At Sola's Side
by ModifiedDog
Summary: Love, tusks, and scarification with a pair of car keys.
1. Chapter 1: Cave In

In case anyone is wondering, I don't want anyone at work to see this, so I reposted under an alias.

Enjoy, or maybe look away in disgust.

* * *

I discovered Barsoom by accident while driving home.

There was a cave-in.

I work in the underground office caves in north Kansas City as a prepress technician for a small printing company. The pay is okay, but you can't get radio or cell phone reception until you get outside.

I was dressed for work when the rocks came falling down. Black slacks, white shirt, tie.

Before the collapse, construction crews were working on the mouth of the cavern complex. The way it looked, it would take hours for them to get done. Mind you, this isn't why the cavern collapsed, this was why I made my very foolish mistake.

The moment my shift ended, I started up the Corolla, attempting to drive out the main entry tunnel, but I saw the line of cars, and the backhoe, so I decided to be clever and search for a detour within the paved maze of yellow parking pillars and offices for lease.

Obviously. I was new to the job. Only been there about a month or so, so I didn't bother with petty details such as researching alternate routes through the cave system. I'm sure there were some emergency exits in there somewhere, but I wasn't lucky enough to find any.

Near the entrance, the place looked like your average parking garage. Someone shaved all the stalactites off the ceiling, smoothed the walls, flattened the floors, and put in offices with glass front windows, the glass specially cut to fit the shape of existing rock formations.

It got darker and rougher as you went further in, where the businesses petered out. The lights weren't maintained as much, the stalactites came in, and speed bump sized stalagmites made an appearance.

My car rolled over one of these as I searched for the alternate exit.

At first, since I continued to see pavement, I ignored it, boldly driving forward, but then the pavement roughened, and the `mites' became more prevalent.

I decided a little too late to turn around. The moment I twisted the steering wheel, I heard a loud crunch as the front end of my car dropped below the cavern floor.

I was understandably upset, and cursed a blue streak as I shifted into reverse.

Doing so proved to be a mistake, for then the floor collapsed under the rear end as well, and I was sitting completely under the floor, hoping and praying that it wouldn't drop any further.

Well, something worse happened.

As I was climbing out of the car, digging out my cell phone before remembering that I had no reception, a mammoth pillar, naturally formed, broke off from the ceiling, toppling my way.

I jumped out of its path just seconds before it crashed down, totaling the front of my vehicle.

Deciding enough was enough, I hurried away from there, eyes searching left and right for signs of another dangerous collapse.

I only made it a couple yards before a heavy shower of massive rock came thundering down ahead of me, bringing with it thousands of smaller rocks, gravel, and a blinding dust cloud.

As I watched this happening, I flinched as another mountain of debris rained down a few yards behind me.

For the next ten minutes, I stayed ut, watching nervously as the cavern collapsed around me. I could have tried to make an escape, I suppose, but I probably would have died in the process. As it stands, I had to keep watching the ceiling and duck out of the way as random rocks fell down from above.

I made use of the time the best I could, digging survival supplies out of the car, flashlight, blankets, gloves, leftovers from lunch, a tire iron, my water bottle, and a bag full of over the counter medications. I loaded these supplies into trash bags and grocery bags from the trunk.

An umbrella didn't make sense, but I decided I could at least use it to protect myself from gravel or a couple pieces of falling debris, so I kept it open above my head. It's a cave, not a house, so it isn't bad luck.

The office caves don't have a lot of bats, but they do occasionally get a few. As I waited for the rockfall to end, a scrawny little bat, not much bigger than a mouse, all of a sudden swooped out of hiding, perching on my shoulder, beneath my umbrella.

I kept myself perfectly still, hoping it would fly away, but it didn't.

I brushed it aside with the umbrella, but it just fluttered around behind me, grabbed the back of my shoulder, and climbed back up, baring its fangs in a way that would have been cute had I not worried about rabies.

Deciding it maybe would go away once the dust cleared, I sat down on the floor, frowning at my lunch.

It wasn't my best cooking. I suppose I might eat it out of desperation, if I got stuck in the cave for any length of time, but I couldn't bring myself to eat it at the moment.

The bat seemed to find something attractive about the Gladware container, for it jumped off my shoulder and buried its fangs into the plastic lid.

Laughing, I pulled the thing free, tossed the lid, and let the creature have my rice tuna casserole, backing away to a safe distance.

After gulping down several mouthfuls, the bat started making gagging sounds. That was pretty much my opinion, but you can't always afford to eat lasagna and barbecue every day.

The rockfall slowed to a stop. I switched on my flashlight, searching the mound of boulders for a way out.

There wasn't one.

From wall to wall, the section of garage that led out could not be reached, on account of the mountain of rubble standing in the way.

As a matter of fact, there wasn't much of _anywhere_ to go. This section hadn't been developed for offices yet, so I saw no pockets of civilization to crawl through. It seemed I was doomed to a life of crawling around naked and eating bats, like the creepy gnome guy in _The Hobbit_.

The only option available to me appeared to be a narrow tunnel leading off into the dark.

I wrapped the blanket over my face to shield me from the dust (though it smelled like antifreeze), and set off down the tunnel.

I felt like I had stumbled away from the tour group at Fantastic Caverns, wandering aimlessly from tunnel to tunnel. I moved slow, watching my feet in case of a sudden drop into the abyss, wishing I could just go home.

I heard another rumble.

Before I could properly hide or protect myself, (I'd put the umbrella away), the rocks came pouring down again.

I watched with horror as the section of tunnel I had just left collapsed behind me.

A small leather winged object squeaked across the beam of my flashlight. That was the last thing I remembered before a large rock struck me in the skull.

When I awoke, I discovered myself sprawled on top of a human skeleton, centuries old. Parts of it crumbled as I sat up, brushing myself off.

Hearing a metallic clank, I swept the beam of my flashlight around for the source of the noise.

I found it in the skeleton's recently shattered rib cage.

It was a necklace, and a fancy gold one at that.

It had an asymmetrical swirling shape, carved with symbols in a language I couldn't read or even identify.

It has always been my belief that corpses are too dead to care about their things, so I took it, intent on taking it to a museum or selling it to a pawn shop for a couple dollars (knowing my luck, that would be exactly how much they'd give me, too).

My flying companion, for reasons unknown to me, had chosen to use my shoulder as a perch again. I decided not to bother it, and kept waiting for it to go away.

The collapsed had forced me further inward. Still hopeful that I'd eventually pass a hole near the surface, I continued down the tunnel.

I missed a gap. My foot slipped on a slick rock, and I went sliding down a muddy grade.

I rammed into a stalactite, dropped off the side of a rock shelf, and landed painfully on my shoulder, in a small dingy cave. I was sure I broke something

Groaning in pain, I staggered to my feet, searching the floor for my flashlight.

Instead of finding it, my hands encountered a strange monument set flush against the cavern wall.

Every inch of it had been carved with incomprehensible swirling symbols, but it was too dark to make anything out.

I nearly tripped on the flashlight before I noticed it. It still worked, so I shined it on the monument to see if I could make more sense of it. Armchair archaeologist, that's me.

I can't read Arabic, Hebrew, Greek or Russian, but I knew what those alphabets looked like, and this wasn't any of them. Not Asian either. I wasn't a professor of languages, so I couldn't say what else it could be.

What I could understand was that a socket in the middle of this thing looked identical to the shape of the necklace I'd found. Although I figured it would do nothing, unlike all those ridiculous _Indiana Jones_ type stories I'd seen, I thought t might at least be interesting to know whether or not the necklace actually fit the socket at all.

The pendant fit.

It wasn't as great an idea as I originally thought.

The moment it touched the socket, I felt like I had grabbed a high tension power line.

My whole body stiffened, I saw stars, and my heart stopped.

When I awoke, I briefly wondered if I were in heaven, but I thought it funny that heaven had a desert.

All around me, I could see only dry parched soil and scrubby plants, seemingly without end in every direction.

I attempted to sit up, but the moment I moved my head, I heard a loud squeak and a pair of leathery wings beat against my face.

A second later, I heard the sound of pounding hooves, and a herd of eight legged buffalo-like creatures came stampeding by in a great cloud of dust.

Definitely not heaven.

The stampede passed, and I was alone again.

I sat up, and instantly felt light headed, as if sick.

I felt weirder when I stood up, like I were riding the monkey barrel at a theme park.

I took a step and revised my opinion. It felt like I were on the moon.

I strolled back and forth across the patch of desert, pretending I was Buzz Aldrin or someone. The bat was hovering around me, and when I say hovering, I mean this literally. Its ability to stay airborne without flapping its wings for such long periods of time seemed unbelievable, even for a bat.

Low gravity fun aside, it was hot, and I didn't know where I was. I didn't even see my trash bag full of supplies anywhere. No flashlight or umbrella either. It seemed all I had were my clothes.

I decided, if I wanted to live, I'd need to get going, find water, maybe shelter.

So I moonwalked like an astronaut across the dusty plain.

The sounds of screaming and shouting caused me to freeze in my tracks.

Looking up ahead, I saw a cluster of dark green figures, two of them big and male looking, one slender, more feminine.

They stood between a pair of eight legged buffalo things, growling at each other in some language I couldn't understand.

My bat flew over to one of the buffaloes, perching on its head.

Stupid bat, I thought. I really didn't care if it got killed. I still believed it had rabies.

I approached the fight because I was confused about what I was looking at.

Each `person' was not only green, they had _tusks_ on the sides of their faces, and each had an extra set of arms.

One leopard spotted male, wrapped in a leather harness and animal skins, was punching the other male in the face, forcefully pulling the female away from it. The other male, splotchy skinned, with turtle-like shoulder pads, harness and a leather cape, was tugging on the female's harness, trying to wrest her from the other's clutches.

Alien. Definitely alien.

I had been thinking I might have entered hell, but these creatures didn't look like demons to me. That only left one possibility.

Somehow I had been transported into space.

The splotchy guy hit Spots in the face, and Splotch retaliated.

At this point, the female got upset and struck him, running to Spot's side.

Splotch angrily backhanded her, knocking her into the dirt.

And then the guy starts beating on her, yelling something or another.

Spots tried to stop him, but Splotch only needed to strike him once to knock him backwards.

He struck the female again.

That was enough for me.

"Hey!" I shouted, stomping up to him. "Hey! That's no way to treat a lady...regardless of what she looks like!"

Splotch looked up at me, growled incomprehensibly, then beat the female some more.

Outraged, I ran up and kicked him in the head.

The male went flying backwards across the dirt with such surprising force that I briefly contemplated trying out for the NFL.

Spots, seeing what had just happened, drew a curved dagger, charging at me with a scream.

I raised my hands in surrender, but he didn't seem to care. He didn't put the knife away.

Before he could get to me, the female rose up, pulled out her own dagger, and blocked the attack, just inches from my throat.

The male used a free hand to bash the female across the head.

"Hey!" I shouted. "Manners!"

And I punched him in the face.

My fist sent him sailing across the dirt a couple yards away from the other one.

The two groaned, staggering to their feet as they rubbed their injuries, growling at me like a pair of beaten dogs.

I must have impressed them, for the next moment I saw each male climbing up on a buffalo creature, coaxing it to gallop away from me, leaving large clouds of dust in their wake.

I stared at the female in puzzlement, and she I.

Her face was rather flat. She had no nose to speak of, just a small bump, and her eyes were too widely spaced apart for me to look directly into both at the same time.

She was definitely exotic. Although not what I'd consider beautiful by human standards, I _did_ find her very interesting to look at.

As the dust cleared, I asked this female, "Are you okay?"

She responded by grabbing me with all four arms, shoving my face between her tusks and kissing me.


	2. Chapter 2: Sola

The creature's tongue was as long as a frog's. When she kissed, it stretched all the way to the back of my throat, teasing my gag reflex. I tongue wrestled out of necessity, to keep from throwing up.

Her mouth tasted like ham, wilted lettuce, and a banana past its expiration date.

I quickly pushed her back, gasping for air.

"Wow," I breathed.

My flying pet was gone. It was just me and this strange looking _thing_ , in the middle of a lifeless rocky plain.

The last I'd seen the bat, it had curled up on one of the eight legged beasts, among the saddlebags and such, taking a little nap. I smirked a little as I thought about the nasty surprise the driver would encounter when he made his next stop.

" _Wow,_ " the female repeated, pulling me close again.

I shoved a little more forcefully. "No!"

She staggered backwards, whimpering a little.

She said a bunch of stuff, but I didn't understand a word.

"I'm sorry," I said. "You're just a little too forward. I can kinda see those guys attacked you. You've got to give people some space."

I doubted she understood a word, but she sighed and looked down.

And then, when I stopped speaking, she looked up hopefully, saying something else.

She came close, playing with my tie. "Sola Obo Thuladhar."

I shook my head. "No comprendo."

She smiled, gazing into my eyes the best she could with that odd facial configuration. "Ah! _Nocomprendo_!" And she jabbered something else.

The tie came off, and she started unbuttoning my shirt.

"Whoa!" I cried. "Wait! Hold the phone! No!" I pushed her away.

"Nocomprendo," she said, pointing at herself, then me. "Yii golto."

She pressed a four fingered hand against her bare chest. " _Golto_." She kissed her forearm dramatically, held a hand to her chest, gazing heavenwards, then pointed at us. " _Golto_. Cev?"

I swallowed hard. "Are you saying what I think you are?"

She pressed a second hand to her chest. "Sola golto Nocomprendo."

She then gave me a pouty look. "Nocomprendo golto Sola?"

"That's not my name," I said. "My name is Jason Finch."

She mumbled something ending in Nocomprendo.

I sighed. "Look." I pointed at myself, then her. "I... _Sola_ friend. Okay? No golto."

Her eyes widened, her mouth turning up in a grin. "Cev! Dubo voja golto aragem! Za teturrah!" And she hugged me, pushing my face between her tusks again.

I wiggled out of her grip, running away, but she followed me.

I sighed and sat down on a rock framed by red grass, rebuttoning myself.

She was cute in a weird sort of way, and that kiss caused me to feel things I can't quite describe, and so I didn't complain that much when she sat next to me.

That was, until she took my hand and placed it on her thigh.

She nuzzled her tusk against my neck, playing with my shirt buttons, wiggling my belt around in its belt loop with her other hands.

I stood up, and the female started, I don't know, lecturing me on something. I just shrugged.

For a few moments, we just stared at each other in silence, my pursuer tugging suggestively on her harness.

All of a sudden, she clapped her hands, jabbering with excitement.

The next thing I know, I'm being dragged across the desert to a little oasis surrounded by tall rocks.

I didn't realize how thirsty I was. I rushed to the water, lapping up a considerable quantity. Sola knelt beside me, doing the same, but she weirded me out by putting mouthfuls of water in my mouth.

Then she pushed me into the natural pool.

She got in, and we swam around, laughing and splashing each other.

Then things got serious again. She stuck her tongue down my throat, attempting to liberate me from my clothing.

I tried to swim away, but she grabbed me.

I kicked and thrashed, but even in the world I came from, water weakens any sort of attack you try to make.

Still, it was a fierce attack. With a pained expression, she let me go, refusing to follow me when I climbed out.

At first, I was somewhat relieved about this new development, but then, after wandering around the oasis for about twenty minutes and not seeing any sign of food or civilization, I returned to the water, sitting on a boulder as I watched the female swim.

She joined me, muttered something, then rubbed her belly, pantomiming `yummy'.

"Food?" I asked.

"Yow." She pantomimed eating. "Mamxe."

I nodded, so the female waded back in the water, pulling out a string of fish. It seemed she had been busy in my absence.

Shortly after she laid these on a rock in front of me, I saw her draw out a dagger, stabbing an additional one with a speed and accuracy I found frightening.

The fish had no eyes. Its fins had claws, and jellyfish streamers served as its tail. I felt a shiver of fear at the thought of those streamers touching me as I swam. I guess I lucked out.

Sola sliced one of the fishes into pieces, eating a piece cold. She offered me one.

"So we're having sushi for dinner," I groaned. "Wonderful."

And so I humored her and ate some.

I compare it to salmon, cherry cough syrup and soggy French fries. I didn't care for the taste, but I was hungry, so I ate a whole fish.

My bat chose this moment to make an appearance, gobbling some pieces himself. Sola laughed and ran a finger down the bat's back.

"Careful," I said. "It might have rabies."

" _Rabies_ ," she purred, stroking the creature. "Rabies mu zulm kepirma." I guess she thought it was the name of my pet.

Come to think of it, it wasn't a bad idea.

She dug up a few plants, which, oddly enough, bore tubers that tasted like peaches, tinged with bitter pickle flavor. It was tolerable, so I didn't complain.

Tying the remaining string of fish to her belt, she stood up from our rock, leading me away from the oasis.

"What now?" I said.

She said something I didn't understand. I could only stumble along behind her, mind full of questions.

After marching for what felt like a mile through dusty desert, we arrived at what I could only describe as an Indian village.

It was a giant half crater filled with a massive collection of tents, sort of like domed tipis.

Sola led me past a watering hole for a herd of those buffalo things, _Thoats_ , she called them, deep through the heart of tent city.

As in Chaco Canyon or Mesa Verde, they also had dwellings cut into the sides of the crater, with tribal banners and skins hanging from them.

Small creatures of Sola's race ran around the tents, jabbering after one another and waving sticks in some sort of game.

We passed family dwellings, and a primitive sort of market where four limbed creatures of various ages and shades of green bartered food, tools and animals with one another.

At first, they paid us no notice, but then someone would look our way, and see us holding hands, and they'd tell someone else, and soon the whole encampment was looking.

My companion's skin flushed orange, out of embarrassment, it seemed, but she only cleared her throat, straightened her back, and pressed my hand to her breast, giving me a wink. Her secondary left hand slapped my butt and it stayed there.

I tried to brush the hand away, but she put it there again after we walked a couple yards.

The creatures kept muttering the same strange things. "Voorginia" and "Dotor Sojat," most frequently.

I looked at Sola in puzzlement, but she just shrugged both sets of shoulders.

At the far end of this crater, there stood a large lake, surrounded by bright and colorful tents and larger, more graceful looking Thoats than the ones we'd seen coming in.

The place was intimidating with its muscular male and female warrior guardians, and its golden castle-like decor, but Sola was walking faster now, rather than slower.

"Gwimeh," she said, waving her arms in a sweeping gesture.

She led me up to a wide yellow tent flanked by two fine riding animals, and when we approached, a male and a female came rushing out, jabbering something at my companion.

The male was big and burly looking, though a bit aged, and weathered from battles or something, clad in a harness and a heavy fur mantle. The female looked vaguely like an older version of Sola, with darker skin and wrinkles.

Sola pointed to them, introducing the male as Tars Tarkkas and the female as Ibira. She pointed to herself, indicating perhaps she were a daughter or a granddaughter.

I waved shyly to them, wondering what this was about.

Sola said something, pointing to herself, then to me.

The moment she said it, the female fainted.

The male growled in outrage, shaking his head no, shouting something about Voorginia. I guessed he didn't like the state or something.

When Sola pulled my hand to her chest again, it suddenly clicked in my brain.

"Wait!" I cried. "You're not talking about what I think you're talking about, are you?"

Tars took a deep breath, crossing his arms. He shook his head sternly, muttering something.

Sola yelled in protest, wrapping an arm around me for emphasis.

"Hey!" I said, attempting to wiggle free. "I never said I'd marry you!"

Tars smirked a little, but was mostly not amused.

He snorted through his nose.

Then, without warning, he drew a big curving knife, bringing it up to my throat.

Sola shouted in protest, but he ignored her, pushing her aside as he pressed the blade to my skin.


	3. Chapter 3: Moving Forward

As the knife dug into my neck, the big male said something to me in an angry growl, fixing me with a piercing glare.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sola coaching me, mouthing a word and nodding like I should be doing the same.

I nodded. "We're just friends. It's cool."

Tars stared at me in horror, staggered back a couple feet, and screamed.

And then, without warning, he stomped up to me again, cutting my face with his knife.

Tars knelt next to his wife, gently rousing her from unconsciousness.

When she was standing again, the male growled a bunch of stuff at me and Sola, and he yelled for a couple other males to grab me, carrying me away from his daughter.

I didn't resist, because I didn't exactly know if I wanted Mr. Tarkkas as my father-in-law. I figured if they wanted to beat me up, I'd fight then, and only then, and I could probably escape their jail, if they had one.

To my surprise, I was led to a tidy purple tent, and forcefully shoved inside.

It turned out to be a small harem, containing a table loaded with exotic alien food and beverages, a pair of yellow green females in jeweled harnesses reclining invitingly on piles of animal skins with silky white fur.

They giggled, beckoning to me.

I turned to leave, but Tars had guards posted outside the tent.

"Hi," I stammered as I looked at the females.

They just laughed and waved back, gesturing for me to sit with them on the skins.

One of them got up, offering me a green-purple drumstick of something, which I ate. I still didn't join them on the skins.

The drink...I was less certain about. They wanted to give me cups of something that looked like wine, but I didn't want to get drunk and sleep with those things, so I politely refused, and a little less politely when they insisted.

When they grabbed me, trying to pour it down my throat, I _knew_ something was wrong, so I wrenched the serving vessels out of their hands, dashing them on the ground.

The two tried to pull me down on the rugs, but I shoved them away, diving to the rear of the tent.

I crawled under the flap, attempting to escape, but the moment I got half my body out on the dirt outside, someone hit me in the head with a club.

I blacked out.

When I awoke, I found myself chained to a wooden post in an empty tent. I waited one minute, then ten, but nobody came.

My hands had been chained behind my back, and not only chained, _double chained_ , as if they knew I'd break my bonds.

Despite my slight build, I had somehow been able to knock guys across a desert with a single punch. It seemed likely, therefore, that I would be able to perform other feats of strength.

I tugged against the chains with all my might, and heard them snapping.

A second after I did this, Mr. Tarkkas comes bursting into the tent. I quickly hid my hands, pretending to still be trapped.

Sola's father had a lot to say to me, and I understood none of it. I couldn't tell if the pugilistic gestures he made were about the past, present, or future, which bothered me.

If you want to give me a beating, I thought. Just go ahead and do it.

When he left, I snapped the chain holding me to the post, crawling under a tent flap.

The moment I stood up on the other side, I saw Sola rushing over to me, nervously glancing back and forth as she growled something to me in low tones.

She grabbed my hands, saying something else as she pressed them to her flat chest.

When I yanked them out of her grip, she started crying, sobbing something in her language.

This made me feel sorry for her, so I reached up and wiped the tear from her cheek. "It's okay."

All of a sudden, she was happy, pressing my face between her tusks as she kissed me again.

By now I was getting used to the salmon-chocolate tang of her mouth.

She pulled away quickly, glancing over her shoulders.

She hissed a few anxious syllables, dragging me back to the tent flap, which she opened with one set of arms while shoving me through with the other two.

And so I sat there, in the empty tent, with my hands behind my back, pretending to be chained as I stared absently at the skin walls.

I awoke to someone punching me in the face.

I had fallen asleep, apparently. Not surprising, considering how I had been imprisoned for more than an hour with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.

It was dark. The only reason why I could see anything was because Sola's dad was carrying a torch in his third hand. The way he carelessly waved the thing around, I felt certain he would burn the tent down.

The male reached behind my back to unlock my shackles. He didn't notice anything amiss because it was dark, and I had a lot of free time to artfully piece the chains back together.

I suppose I could have spent the time trying to escape, but I didn't like making Sola cry. I still considered her a friend, and maybe a method in which I could pursue to get home.

Tars led me outside.

Sola's little village looked pretty in the moonlight. Really picturesque, especially with the full moon and all the torches they set up on posts all over the place. It reminded me of the judging area they had on _Survivor_ , but less artificially contrived.

The torches formed a corridor, hemmed in on both sides by shouting four armed figures.

The moment I stepped out of the tent, Tars put my wrists in manacles, shoving me down this crude tunnel.

"I wish you'd speak English so I can get a formal explanation for all this," I grumbled.

Tars growled something in response, pushing me forward.

I shuffled ahead several yards, until I reached the edge of the village, where the crater ended and the tents thinned out.

The rows of torches opened up into a large circular enclosure with a sandy floor, framed all around with torches and shouting figures.

At this point, Tars decides to unshackle me, shoving me into the ring.

And then I see a familiar splotchy looking creature stomping out of a tunnel on the opposite side, cracking all four of its knuckles. The crowd cheered.

A throne stood between my tunnel and Splotch's. After giving a loud speech to the crowd, Tars seated himself there, his wife and daughter joining him on smaller thrones on either side.

A huge bonfire blazed at the end opposite the throne, which a pair of green figures fed with clumps of red alien sagebrush.

Ibira was looking at me with an expression of disgust, her face wrinkled up like she'd smelled a fart.

Sola, however, was blushing orange, giving me a bashful wave.

For a few moments, I just stood there, staring at them, staring at the crowd, staring at Splotch.

But then Tars barked something, and the females in jeweled harnesses came forward, bearing a pair of golden scimitars.

Splotches took one immediately, but I didn't want to chop the guy's head off, so I refused to take one myself.

Tars barked something. Sola yelled at me too.

Even the females in their emerald and ruby encrusted straps were pushing the blade into my hands.

With a sigh, I took it.

Tars shouted at Splotch, telling him to stand on a dirt line at one end of the circle, then ordered me to the opposite.

I did what was incoherently growled.

Tars said something, and Splotches charged at me before I knew I was supposed to do something.

His blade flashed threateningly, but I really didn't want to kill him. What did he do to me? I already taught him his lesson, and that should have been enough.

When the flashing blade came my way, I only held up mine defensively, to block.

Clang. I successfully blocked Splotch's attack.

This did not look like fencing, or I would have tried harder. The lack of safety features and referees implied a pit duel to the death.

That being said, I felt like I was fighting my little brother, when he was still little.

Far from feeling like my life was in danger, I did not return my opponent's attack with a sword slash of my own. Instead, I just rabbit punched Splotch in the face.

He collapsed on the ground, unconscious.

Instead of hearing cheers, I heard silence. Everyone stared at me.

I sighed and shook my head. "You guys are nuts."

Sola gasped, holding her hand to her breast, her face seeming to reflect amazement, amusement, and deep respect.

Tars furrowed his brow, pressing his fist into his chin as he stared at me.

Sola said something to him, but he just growled.

After a long tense silence, where individuals in the crowd became restless and muttered to one another, Tars let out a loud feline hiss, waving angrily at them.

He shouted, and Spots entered the arena, bearing his own golden blade.

He took one look at me, and the guy on the round, and dropped his weapon, turning back the way he came from.

Tars yelled at the audience, I guess to summon another challenger, but no one volunteered. The silence was deafening.

He roared, then slumped back in his throne.

"Nocomprendo," he said, beckoning to me.

With a shrug, I approached the throne.

"Sir, I really think that the guy..." I pointed to the creature on the ground.

I stopped myself. He would be a terrible husband. So would the guy that chickened out.

That isn't to say that _I_ would be the ideal candidate, I was only thinking about Sola's well being.

Tars pulled his daughter out of her throne, drawing me close to her as he put his hands on both our shoulders and gave a speech.

Now, Sola had arrived at this little contest of strength with a wineskin slung over her upper shoulders. I thought she wore this merely for refreshment purposes, but suddenly Tars removes it from her shoulders, offering it to me.

"Toobsaj," he said.

I just stared at him.

"Toobsaj!" he repeated, shoving the wineskin into my hands.

I shook my head. "I don't know what that is. I'm not drinking it."

Tars growled angrily, smacking me in the face.

"Golto." She put a hand on my chest, looking pleadingly into my eyes. "Golto."

When I didn't, she bowed her head and looked away. I thought I saw tears.

Tars yelled right in my face.

The crowd was yelling something else, and throwing objects.

Well, okay. Tribal initiation. Whatever.

And so I took the skin to my mouth and drank.

It tasted like cheese, moldy bread and tuna juice. I grimaced in disgust. "What the hell did I just drink?"

Sola brightened when she saw I had done as she asked.

"The milk from my daughter's breast!" Tars said. "It is customary for the soon to be husband to partake of the virgin's milk before they are officially bonded."

I spat it out. "Yuck!"

I heard gasps from the crowd.

"How dare you disrespect my daughter's virgin milk!" the male yelled.

"I'm sorry," I said. And I took a couple more swigs.

I did a double take. "You speak English!"

Tars' jaw dropped. "You speak Kebsan!"

"Sir," I said. "I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding. Your, uh, daughter's nice, but, well, I really never asked to marry her."

Tars clenched all four of his fists and growled through his teeth. He opened his mouth to say something, but Sola said, "Nocomprendo speaks truthfully, father. He _demonstrated_ his intentions by fighting off Getexaj and Niruxus." She smiled at me. " _I am yours, my chieftain!_ "

"She's a nice girl," I stammered. "But that's...not what I was doing."

Tars frowned at me, eyes narrowing. "Then what _were_ you doing?"

"Um, defending a... _nice female_ from a couple bullies. I saw them hitting her, and I stopped them."

"We're Thark," he said. "It is customary for a male to occasionally strike a female that gets out of line."

"I think that custom sucks," I said.

"Oh father!" Sola cried. "Now I _know_ he's the right man for me!"

Tars locked eyes with me...sorta.

"Are you, by chance, a descendant of Voorginia?"

"No," I said. "I come from Missouri."

"M'zuri," he repeated. "Nocomprendo M'zuri."

"Actually," I said. "My real name is-"

Before I could finish, Tars turned toward the crowd and shouted, "Let it be known that this warrior, Nocomprendo M'zuri has been deemed worthy of my daughter's hands in marriage! Ucirfa! Bring forth the Qentukov!"

"Okay, fine," I muttered. "I'm Nocomprendo. Whatever you want to call me."

But then I thought, Oh God, I'm really getting married to this alien _thing_.

A male in a blue animal skin robe stepped out of the crowd, taking an object from a box that the jeweled females held.

The priest, shaman...or whatever he was, raised a pair of silvery objects for all to see, chanting something that I, for some reason, still could not understand.

He stuck these objects on a pair of stone rods, sticking them in a fire for a few minutes.

"What's he doing?" I asked.

"You seem to know very little, Nocomprendo," he said.

"Did you know that Nocomprendo means `I don't know'?"

He nodded approvingly. "It is a fitting title."

The priest-shaman returned from the fire, bringing a pair of glowing brands up to the throne.

"Uh," I stammered. "What are you doing with _those_?"

Tars pulled out a jeweled dagger, and in one quick movement sliced open the front of my shirt.

"Hey!" I shouted. "Now how am I supposed to button that back up?"

And then I noticed something else. One of the brands looked oddly familiar.

"Wait," I said. "Is that my _car key_?"

A second later, I'm screaming as a searing hot piece of metal presses into my naked breast.

I stared at the burn mark in horror as it throbbed on my chest. It didn't look like anything I could easily identify. Even a glance at the brand that created it gave me no hints. It was just some kind of _swirling alien insignia_.

Sola, on the other hand, was getting branded with the interlocking circles of the Toyota company. I'm not sure this is what they meant by `Moving Forward.'

She didn't scream. Instead, she made an animal snarl.

When this was done, Tars raised my arm and Sola's in the air, shouting, "Behold! My new son Nocomprendo of M'zuri! And his wife Sola of Tadborci!"


	4. Chapter 4: Close Encounters

During the fight, and the whole wedding ceremony, my bat had been busy eating the insects that buzzed around the torches, not paying attention to me at all, until now, when he flitted over and perched on my shoulder, squeaking at me.

I just pretended it wasn't there. Sola chuckled.

Tars dismissed the crowd, leading me down a tunnel to the fancy tents I'd seen earlier, when he and I were first introduced.

We pushed through the flaps of the largest one, and it was like I had entered a palace made of canvas and animal skins, illuminated by glass orbs containing a glowing substance, like light bulbs without visible power cords or battery compartments. The effect was like that of a pub, dim, but in a pleasant way, bright enough to read by, if you wanted to.

We passed through a foyer displaying the skeletons of various large animals, turning through a secondary tent into a dining room. I'd call it a mess tent, but that would make it sound too crude and basic. The walls were framed by massive ivory tusks, decorated from top to bottom with elaborate scrimshaw.

There were four armed statues holding metal shields, and odd looking sculptures of people and Thoats and fish.

A long wooden table stood in the middle, with rows of throne-like chairs standing around it. The dishes were gold and ivory and crystal. I was told to sit, then to move up to the head of the table when I seated myself a chair down from Sola's mother.

Sola smiled at me from across the table, fairly bursting with excitement.

I found the whole situation rather awkward, especially when I saw other green creatures filing in, occupying the other seats. Tars, Sola and Ibira each would introduce this or that relation, but they did not look pleased to see me, and I doubted I would remember any of their names.

I should have eloped.

One of the jeweled females brought in food and beverages. Tars gave a toast, and the feasting began.

No one used silverware. They were like ancient Mongolians in that respect.

I ate some polka dot chicken, drinking wine because it was too late to say no to Sola now, I was too passive aggressive.

My bat landed on the other creatures' food, stealing bites here and there, until one of Sola's relatives chased it out with a stick.

It turned out that Ibira was not Sola's biological mother. The wife of Tars Tarkkas had died a long time ago, and Ibira was his new wife. I told him he had chosen well, and that his wife was nice.

"So..." I said. "Who is this Voorginia guy?"

Tars told me about him. Apparently he was human, who arrived out of nowhere, like me, and he was the greatest fighter on their world, beating their greatest warriors, a big hairy beast, and later an army from another country, despite their highly sophisticated technology.

He had a lot of respect for the man, and even considered giving Sola to him, but the man had already found his own bride among the other nation he'd conquered.

"She can't bear having her heart broken again," he said.

I swallowed hard. "Don't worry. I'm not generally in the practice of going to war and conquering countries."

He frowned, like he maybe wanted me to go to war _a little,_ just as long as I didn't go to Voorginia's extreme.

"Tell me something, Nocomprendo," Sola said. "Why are you so merciful to your enemies? Why did you not kill Getaxaj in the arena?

"He's not my enemy," I said. "He's just a guy that likes you. I'd step aside and let him have you, if he didn't hit you."

She put her hand on her chin, gazing at me. "So you would not kill for your mates?"

"No," I said. "Where I come from, that's illegal."

Her relatives murmured.

"You do not behave like a warrior, Nocomprendo," she said. "What is your trade?"

"I...uh..." I doubted they'd understand Prepress. On earth, the _average person on the street_ doesn't know what it is.

"Um, I make... _signs_ , and _paper_ , for... _traders and merchants_."

"Wow," she said with admiration. "Such a humble caste...But what is paper?"

I stared at her. "You don't know what paper is?"

She shook her head. "Don't you have...scrolls?"

"Oh! Vellum!" she laughed. "How interesting. Do you do any Wotcifa?"

"What's that?" Is aid.

She took out a beaded sash. Wampum, I believe it is called.

It was a property document. She indicated what beads indicated a Thoat, or a piece of land, or weapons. It was quite a lot.

"Don't show him that!" Tars cried. "How do you know it wasn't his goal to steal everything we have?"

"He's already stolen my heart," Sola said with a smirk.

Wincing at the bad joke, I smiled politely at her father. "Your wealth is impressive, but I'm not jealous. You can keep your things. I...don't mind."

I frowned at the beads. "Anyway, what you have there is neat, but I like, uh, _parchment_ better because you can read what it says, even if the owner is gone, or died hundreds of years ago."

"These beads are universal in meaning," she said. "And they last longer than scrolls."

I could only shrug. This was not a battle I wanted to fight. "Anyway, that's my job. I make vellum and signs."

"If he abandons you like Voorginia," Tars said. "I will kill him."

"Do not worry about that, father," Sola said. "If that happens, I will kill him myself."

I paled. "Really?"

She looked at me with an expression that said maybe she might, but then again, maybe she was just saying that to reassure her father, and she really wouldn't. Either way, it made me nervous.

I pointed to a statue of a person. "What's that? Are there other humans in this place somewhere?"

Tars sighed. "Not for a very long time."

Assuming the worst, I hesitated to ask further questions.

I opened my mouth to ask about Voorginia, and how he came to find his bride, but Sola spoke first.

"When you were crawling out of the tent earlier, did you really intend to abandon me?"

I swallowed, uncertain what to say.

"He escaped the tent?" Tars growled.

"Only for a moment," his daughter replied.

"Well," I said. "Honestly...I thought...you...deserved better. I'm not green, I don't have four arms...I just happened to rescue you from some unpleasant guys."

She breathed a happy sigh, looking even more in love as she leaned two of her elbows on the table, resting her chin in her hands.

Why am I saying this stuff? I asked myself. Am I just afraid of her dad?

But if I were truly being honest with myself, I would have noticed how my thoughts had gravitated towards her during my time of isolation in that prison tent, how I caught myself admiring her body, how quickly those glimpses of green flesh were called to mind, the memory of our first kiss, and all the emotional confusion associated with it.

Musicians came in, performing for us and the guests. The food disappeared, and so did a few at our table. The others stayed to drink.

The musicians sang some jaunty songs that everyone knew except me. After a few rounds, though, I knew enough to sing too.

As the party wound down further, and Tars got drowsy, Sola muttered something, and she led me out of the room, through a corridor of tents arranged like rooms in a house, to a tent near the center of this compound.

It was a beautiful purple tent, decorated with strange looking golden devices, like winged shields with something electronic in appearance attached to it. There were objects vaguely resembling guns, an elaborate sextant, things that looked like jeweled scarabs, and bracelets with golden keypads built into them. More items lay on tables, or on piles bursting from chests.

When I tried to pick up an automatic crossbow, she shoved me down on a massive pile of skins.

"You can look at those later."

And then she climbed on top of me, kissing me passionately.

"Oh Nocomprendo," she said. "Your skin is pale, and you have only two arms, but the heart of a noble Thark beats within your breast. I cannot help but love you. I am _so_ glad we are married!"

"My name is Jason," I started to say, but she interrupted by filling my mouth with her tongue. After that meal, and the sushi before it, our mouths pretty much tasted the same.

"No," I protested as she slid my ripped shirt off my shoulders. "This isn't right."

"We're _husband and wife_ ," she said, massaging my exposed chest with two hands as her other two unbuckled my belt.

"Well, yeah, but..."

She only yanked my belt out of its loops. "But what? You fought for my hand in marriage, so now you enjoy it."

When she unfastened my pants, I quickly shoved her off me. "Whoa, whoa. _C'mon_! We're not even the same species!"

"That does not bother me," she said. "You are a sensitive, intelligent, and very attractive male. Do you not also find me attractive?"

"Honestly?" I said, fastening my slacks. "You're cute, in a weird sort of way. But, I don't know..."

"When you say _cute_ , do you imply mild sexual attractiveness?"

I swallowed. "Maybe?"

She pounced on me again, undoing my fly.

"Sola," I begged. "Please. Stop."

"Are you denying me my marital rights?"

I couldn't quite make myself say no. "Uh..."

"You...love me, don't you, Nocomprendo?"

My answer wasn't exactly yes, but it definitely wasn't no.

"I...uh..."

"Say it, Nocomprendo. Say you love me."

I swallowed hard.

An awkward silence passed between us. She stared at me pleadingly.

"Okay," I stammered. "I admit it. I do. I love you."

She smiled, then, as she saw my facial expression, she got the giggles. "You are _afraid_!"

I blushed. "Y-yeah. Actually, _I am._ "

Sola chuckled, turning orange. "You are brave to admit it."

She kissed me. "Your openness pleases me. Should I be less intimidating?"

She pressed her mouth against my exposed shoulder, sinking her teeth in. "Or _more?_ "

Truthfully, I found both options equally sexy, but didn't want to say it.

"I...don't know."

She burst out laughing. "Then I will help you decide!"

Now, all this time, I had been wearing that necklace I'd found in the cave. No one had said anything because it had been under my shirt, and dangling off to side during the wedding feast.

Sola picked up the strange looking locket, furrowing her brow as she squinted at it.

"This is from the house of Yuvratma!" she gasped in surprise. "Where did you find it?"

"In a cave," I said. "I don't know anything about it. What is this Yuvratma you're talking about?"

She shook her head. "It's a very ancient, secret order. All Thark fear it. They say the demons come from their mountaintop dwellings."

"That's great," I groaned. "I guess it serves me right from taking things from a skeleton."

She pulled it off me, throwing it aside. "I would destroy this if I were you."

"Actually," I said. "I think that necklace is responsible for me being here, and meeting you in the first place."

"Then the power of the Yuvratma is good!" she said in a tone of wonder. "It is only the _Yuvratma themselves_ which make a thing wicked!"

"I...guess?"

"Let us contemplate more joyful things," she said, undoing my belt again.

"Your clothing is very curious."

"Not as curious as your fingers," I said.

"Voorginia wore very stiff clothing, decorated with shiny metal. He had boots. Yours is very soft. _Like a plaything_."

I reddened, but the mention of her previous love was too much to pass up. "Can you take me to meet him? This Voorginia guy?"

"It is not possible," she said. "They say he has vanished many days ago."

I sighed. "Convenient."

"Please, Nocomprendo," she said, loosening my pants. "Try to enjoy yourself."

I stared down at her moving hands, opening my mouth to protest.

She giggled. "You have explored just as many things with your eyes. Now it is my turn."

It was true. I'd been admiring her shapely green and yellow dappled legs, tracing the curves of her hips, sneaking glances at the leather strap between her legs. I even found the flat chest an appealing source of fascination.

I could only manage, "Um."

She removed my shoes and socks, and pulled my pants away, grinning as she ran her fingers over my elastic briefs.

She chortled through her nose as she tugged on the waistband, pulling it out and releasing it so it snapped back down.

Then the underwear came off.

When she saw my penis, she laughed, flipping it back and forth, squishing it, stretching it.

"What a funny little mushroom," she purred. "Does it grow that way all the time, or only on special occasions?"

"Special occasions," I gasped.

"This one must be _really_ special," she said as she ran a finger down its length.

With a shuddering breath, I said, "Be careful. It'll go off."

"Well, we wouldn't want _that_ would we?" she said with a mischievous grin.

"Here," she said, grabbing both my hands. "Let me show you mine."

She laid on top of me, sliding my hands under her harness straps. Her body trembled and made purring feline sounds as my fingers encountered her four nipples.

My hands slid downwards, smoothing the curves of her hips, working down to the metal buttons that held the strap between her legs.

Something was squirming and throbbing beneath that strap. I'd noticed it before, but I hadn't thought too much about it. I guess I just thought it was a camel toe or something.

Part of me was aroused. The other told me to run away while I still could.

With trembling fingers, I undid the buttons.

The trap fell open, and out burst a mass of wiggling green tentacles.

I screamed.


	5. Chapter 5: Closer Encounters

"Oh my, Nocomprendo," Sola giggled. "You really _are_ afraid!"

She peeled the rest of her harness away, including the strap.

"You should not be afraid, Nocomprendo," she said, spreading her crotch tentacles with her fingers. "They are only happy to see you."

Still touching them, she grabbed my hand, pulling it between her legs.

I pulled my hand back.

"Oh Nocomprendo!" she said with a laugh. " _Can you not see?_ They do not wish to harm you! In fact, _quite the opposite!_ "

Never before had I been this close to any female, alien or otherwise.

Not every part of her body had perfectly smooth skin. Reptilian scales covered her lower abdomen, genital regions and inner thigh area.

Her lower region smelled like packing tape, wet dog, and burnt tortillas. The scent filled my nostrils, confusing my brain as I ogled her. From that moment forward, my body would do strange things whenever I approached a taco stand.

Seeing it was only fair, I reached out to her body, ran my fingers over her inner thigh scales, tracing the ribbed surface of the flaps surrounding the star shaped opening between her legs. She involuntarily shuddered and gasped in response.

And then my hand was being engulfed by her crotch squid.

I fingered her glistening snake-like crotch tentacles, watching as they throbbed and squirmed around my hand. The sensation wasn't that unpleasant, but it _was_ weird.

Sola frowned at my shriveling penis, flicking it with her finger. "Nocomprendo...is this not a _special occasion_ anymore?"

She cupped my testicles. "You are still afraid."

"Y-yeah!" I stammered. "I've never seen one of those things before!"

Her hands slid upwards, stretching my shaft. "I have not seen one of these before, and I am not afraid at all."

"Well," I said. "That's because..." I faltered.

She laid down on top of me. "Nocomprendo, how can I make this a _special occasion_ for you?"

I swallowed. "Um..."

"Will your organ straighten when it learns that my wovnah desires only pleasure?"

What was I going to do now? Say no? " _It might..._ "

She sat back up, caressing my thighs, my rear end, her other hands playing with my penis. With my pants off, Sola could see exactly how much I enjoyed the sensation of those snakeskin palms against my bare flesh.

Well, until her fingers dipped a little too far into my crack. I brushed her hands away. "Hey. Not there."

"You seemed to like it before."

"When you start checking my prostate, you've crossed a line."

She chuckled through her nose. "What is a prostate?"

I explained the best I could. "Where's yours? I mean, where do your males..."

" _You had it right before_ ,but we do not call it a prostate."

I swallowed. "You're a man? I mean, male?"

She shook her head.

"But a gland like that..."

"It's complicated."

"You...don't have a penis...type thing, do you?"

She spread her legs, giving me a full view of... _everything_. " _Does it look like I have one?_ "

"Honestly, I don't know what I'm looking at."

"I don't know either,but I think you like what you see."

I swallowed. "It's... _different._ "

 _"Different as in sexy._ "

"M-maybe?"

 _"I wonder what yours tastes like..."_ She cupped my balls, feeling my cock throb against her fingers. "What happens if I lick it?"

"It might go off and make a mess."

She grinned. _"Oh no! We wouldn't want it to do that!_ "

"What about yours?"

"It might take a little more effort to make _mine_ go off..." She laid back, spreading her legs. _"But you're welcome to try._ "

I paled. "Put...my mouth... _there?_ "

"Nocomprendo, I see what yours is doing. _I can see that the idea intrigues you._ "

Her tusks prodded me gently in the abdomen, her frog's tongue whipping out and matting down the rough tangle of hair between my legs before traveling upwards, over the slope of my stomach, dipping into my navel. The tongue shot up and out, moistening the sunken recess in the middle of my bare chest, into the pit of my neck, then up and over my chin, lapping playfully off my nostrils.

It flicked out again, whipping up the length of my erection. " _You underestimate yourself. It did not go off._ "

My legs were trembling. "Well, _don't try it too many times._ "

"Just once more. _I did not get a good taste._ " Her tongue wrapped around my length, snapped back in. _"Interesting. I would taste it again._ "

She pulled me in closer. _"Now you."_

Her tentacles tasted like oily ham and Crunch Berries. That's the closest thing I can compare to it. Other tentacles wiggled into my mouth. She chuckled, pushed my head in deeper, my nose filling with a chocolate-fried chicken smell as it entered what served as her vagina.

I surfaced for air. "Anything?"

She gave me a slight nod, sitting up. "It is enjoyable, _but I wish to experience more_."

I swallowed. "More? _As in...?_ "

She pointed one hand at her tentacles, the other at my rigid shaft. "Let's _put these together_ and see what happens!"

And so I lost my virginity to a four armed green thing with calamari between her legs.

It felt like having sex with a mound of thick squirming spaghetti, or live eels.

It was strange, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it.

When she eased down on my lap, her reproductive organ sucked my whole unit in, from tip to goose.

Her wider, more muscular tentacles grew around the mouth of her vagina thing, the smaller, finer ones tugging at me from the interior.

I nervously placed my clammy trembling hands on her thighs. She smiled, pulling them higher with the hands of her third and fourth arms.

I eagerly curled my fingers around her buttocks, pushing myself deep into her.

The operation wasn't exactly straightforward. It was more like in-flight refueling, her tentacles contorting my penis into all sorts of awkward and uncomfortable positions. My head penetrated a couple out of the way places that caused her to moan with pleasure, but I couldn't push the rest of it in.

"Ooh, Nocomprendo!" she gasped. "This _must be_ a special occasion! But how will we satisfy each other when our parts do not connect?"

"I don't know," I said in a shallow breath.

"I thought for certain it was longer than this," she grunted.

 _"They make pumps for a reason."_

"The suction I'm already creating should be sufficient."

I sighed, stopping a moment. "I didn't expect it to be this challenging."

 _"Challenge has its rewards._ " The tentacles quivered around my member, making it stiffen. "Are you not enjoying this?"

"Well," I stammered, my erection throbbing an answer for me.

We kept going.

They pulled and stretched my penis in a way that felt almost painful at times. We didn't so much go in and out as struggle to keep the head of my `funny mushroom' tucked inside the lip of... _whatever it was_ , Sola wiggling _way down_ into my lap as I kept thrusting upward.

She pushed my erection backwards, to the point in which I thought for sure it would break off, and I suddenly found my head sliding under a little lip.

By this time, I was getting fairly worked up, so I thrust into her, and found myself penetrating a secondary mouth that swallowed me pleasantly as I pushed in.

The interior felt like a tube, narrow most of the way in. Although tight, I felt that there was just enough room for me to push deeper.

Of all the faces to be `dying in the eyes' of, I never once imagined it to be a nonhuman green one with no nose and hard angular features.

Yet there it was, smiling, kissing, gasping, moaning in pleasure, gazing at me as long tusks brushed the sides of my neck, again and again.

Her scales, though snake-like, did not glide smoothly against me as I expected, but rather suckered to my skin, adding rather than reducing friction. In ordinary sexual situations, that would be a bad thing, but the two of us, with all our problems... _connecting things_ , it actually worked to our advantage.

I reached my hands around her rump, feeling the snakeskin texturing from her inner thighs to the point on her lower back where it tapered off.

We locked eyes, mine questioningly saying `more?', hers saying `Yes, please!', me watching hers flutter closed before closing my own.

She moaned with greater enthusiasm now, her body making the thing come forward a little, and we got a steady rhythm going, her tentacles reinserting me whenever I got too eager and accidentally unplugged myself.

I just enjoyed myself and let my body do its thing. The touch of her scaly skin against my own bare flesh was amazing, so I didn't care what was going on between my legs.

I slid my hands down her thighs, caressed her sleek reptilian buttocks.

When I moved on to massage her nipples, she moaned, running two hands over my hips, the other two simultaneously squeezing the cheeks of my butt.

Her grip down there tightened as our motions quickened, which is odd, considering how calmly she smoothed my chest, and stomach with her other hands when she sat up.

I had an orgasm, but she didn't. Judging by the noises she made, she really enjoyed the end product, but then, as I became unresponsive, and things started getting smaller, she frowned at me and said, "Is that all, Nocomprendo? Or can you continue where you left off?"

I blushed. "I...I suppose I can _try_..."

She rocked back and forth on my lap in frustration, her tentacles pulling and yanking forcefully on my penis.

"It is not long enough."

"It, um, has to be _coaxed_ ," I stammered. "Just... _work with it_ a little."

She did, and eventually we were _back in business._

"Oh Nocomprendo," she moaned as I probed deep into her tube. "I am glad we could coax your xonfima back to its original firmness! Although I did enjoy the warm fluid, I did not want to finish this activity on my own!"

She leaned all the way back, thighs wrapped tightly around my upper abdomen, almost at armpit level. My erection was so rigid that it felt like it would break off when she bent it.

"Yes!" she gasped. _"There it is!"_

Her motions became more urgent, which troubled me because I had only begun the process of working towards climax.

And then, all of a sudden, I hear her cry, "Nocomprendo, I am nearing the end!"

She drew in shuddering breaths as she rose and fell upon my lap. "I must warn you, you may find this next part somewhat _uncomfortable._ "

I screamed as I felt something like snake fangs stabbing me in the testicles.

"I am sorry," she gasped. "Please do not be mad or ruin the special occasion."

"You call that _somewhat uncomfortable!_ " I yelled.

She shrugged both sets of shoulders. "You are getting small, Nocomprendo. Please. We are almost there."

"I'm going to get an infection," I said. Then, to clarify the idea to my primitive wife, "A _disease_."

" _Nocomprendo_ , I have not been with anyone. You will not be sick. Please, do not get small." And she rode up and down on my crotch, with the fangs still stuck deep in my scrotum.

"Do I just ...keep them in there?" I gasped.

"Yes, Nocomprendo. That is how it works."

It was a little painful, but I got used to it enough to start that climb to climax again.

Then, of course, it didn't bother me at all.

I was still working on it when I heard Sola cry, "Nocomprendo!" and I felt this backwards warm flowing sensation, like someone had stuck an IV into my balls and squeezed the plastic bag.

She trilled like some kind of giant insect, and a flood of warm gooey liquid poured all over my lap, dripping between my legs and crack. Her motions slowed.

I wasn't done, so I thrust again, but she moaned and said, "No, Nocomprendo. You do not want that."

"Yes I do," I grunted.

She laughed, disengaging herself. "No, Nocomprendo. Trust me, you most certainly _do not_! You had quite enough trouble with this already! We must _rest_!"

"I'm...not done," I said. "You want me to _play with myself_ or something?"

"Play?" she said.

I made the jerking off motion.

"Oh!" she said with a giggle. "That will not be necessary. I believe I have a solution."

And she ` _tentacled me_ ' until I went over the edge.

We collapsed on the skins, basking in the warmth of our pleasantly throbbing bodies. Well... _mostly_ pleasantly. Those fang marks throbbed in a different way entirely.

"I am glad you chose me over the red skinned women of your kind," she purred as she ran her fingers down my chest.

I paled, swallowing hard. "I did?"


	6. Chapter 6: Jasoom

Sola caressed the swirling scar on my chest. The pain from that branding had subsided, but it was still sensitive to the touch. "Out of all the beautiful two armed females in all these lands, you chose me, a barbaric Thark from the Tadborci tribe."

I gulped. "There's other _humans_. People that look like me."

She nodded. " _Many_."

I recoiled from her. "You didn't tell me that! I thought all the people were _gone!_ "

"Gone from _here_ , Nocomprendo," she said. "Not gone from Barsoom."

I reddened with embarrassment, and some anger. "Why didn't you tell me!" I cried. "... _Before!_ "

She pulled me close, clutching my hands to her breast. I saw tears brimming in her eyes. "Oh please do not be angry with me, Nocomprendo! _I was afraid_. I feared that if you knew about the females that looked like you, you would desire _them_ , and no longer want me. Like Voorginia did."

Tears began rolling down her cheeks. "Very few in this village consider me attractive. They say my face is like a Redskin. They say I have too much meat on my legs and buttocks, and they despise my interest in things of technology.

"Getexaj and Niruxus were my only suitors. Do you understand, Nocomprendo? If you left me, I would have no one!"

I wiped away her tears, but couldn't think of anything to say.

"Do you still love me, Nocomprendo?"

I couldn't exactly say no, but yes wasn't the first thing that came to mind. "You deceived me."

More tears. She clutched my hands. "I asked you about the Redskins when we first met. You did not seem to care."

I pulled my hands away from her body. "That's because I couldn't understand what you were saying!"

"I am sorry, Nocomprendo." She placed my hands on her chest again, pressing my fingers against her key shaped scar. " _Do you still love me_?"

As I gazed into those eyes, one side, then another, due to how widely they were spaced, I saw that pleading expression, and my heart just melted.

Just minutes ago, I saw trust in those eyes. Contentment. Maybe even joy. And I shared those very same emotions.

I actually felt she was the only woman for me.

The only female I had ever slept with. It was special.

It wasn't something I could easily forget, or reject.

Even though she had no nose.

My fingers traced the key shaped scar on her skin. "I am your _husband_ , Sola," I said, wiping more tears. "And you're my wife."

She opened her mouth to question me, but I answered her first. "Yes. Yes, I still love you."

I pushed my face between her tusks, kissing her.

"You have made me very glad," she purred when we separated.

We held each other, hands going wherever we wanted them to.

"Your butt is perfect," I said. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Sola giggled, hands curling around my waist, hips and rear end. "Thank you. I enjoy yours as well."

She pointed at the bat. "Your _friend_ seems to like my butt too."

"That's...weird," I said.

She gave me a look like she didn't mind.

We cuddled.

"When did you meet his Voorginia guy?" I asked.

"It was many years ago."

"What exactly did he do?"

She sighed. " _Nothing like this._ He was obsessed with going back to where he came from. Earth, he called it. I've heard our word for it is _Jasoom_. I saw it on a map inside a sacred temple."

I sat bolt upright, but she pulled me down. "It's gone. Along with the crystal he used to access the information about our stars. The entire temple was destroyed."

I slumped back into the skins. "You think he ever got to this... _Jasoom?_ "

"I don't know," she said. "There was a sacred relic. He may have used it to access the means to get where he wanted to go...or he may have never found a way home and simply died. He _did_ get married and bear a son. One generally doesn't do such a thing if they intend to leave right away."

"Some do," I said.

She looked hurt.

"I...mean, some humans that aren't me."

"Nocomprendo," she said. "You make me _so_ happy. Promise you will never leave me like Voorginia, even if you somehow find a way to Jasoom."

I swallowed.

The wedding, and my lust for my new green wife had distracted me, but I still wanted to go home, preferably not in a caved in section of an underground parking garage.

As I looked into those eyes, I decided I actually _did_ love her.

So much, in fact, that I would be willing to take her with me, no matter where I went.

Or, if I had no other choice, stay with her in... _this place_ , forever.

...Though I would greatly prefer the former to the latter.

"I promise," I said. "Because I want to bring you with me."

Her mouth hung open in shock. "Nocomprendo! Are you sure that is wise?"

"I've already done a number of foolish things," I said, caressing her hips. "What's one more? You know, I'm _very lonely_ at home..."

"Then we should search for a way to find Jasoom, together," she said. "And if we do not fine a way, we will make the best of the world we're in."

I kissed her on the top of the head.

"What if we talk to his son?"

"I do not know," she said. "He may not have the knowledge you seek. It is a very long voyage to Helium."

"Still," I said. "I would like to know what I can."

She nuzzled her tusk into my neck. "I will take you there, but you must promise not to look too longingly at the females. I'm afraid it will be difficult for you."

I massaged her butt. "I promise."

"Nocomprendo, do you worship the goddess Iss?"

"No," I said.

"I used to, but many things I have seen made me question my beliefs." She ran a finger down my breast. "Except one. I believe Iss blesses our union."

"If you...say so," I muttered.

"Do not worry. I will not force you to participate in my rituals or religion. I do not follow it myself."

Hearing a low growling noise, I looked up and found Rabies hanging from a nearby table, asleep. When I glanced at him, Sola muttered, "He is a very curious creature. I had to brush him from your shoulders, my tusks, and _other places._ "

"I'm...sorry."

She shrugged indifferently. "Voorginia told me how he arrived in Barsoom. It was very confusing. He said he was being chased by bad men, and he escaped from them by running into a cave and touching a stone. Is this what happened to you as well?"

"Well," I said. "Without the bad men."

And so I told her my story, explaining what cars were and other things when necessary.

"I am sorry that all of that happened to you," she said. "But I am not sorry we met."

I sighed, resting my chin on her shoulder.

"Are you happy, Nocomprendo?"

"Sola," I said. "My name isn't Nocomprendo. It's Jason Finch."

"Yasinch," she said, looking mystified.

"No," I said. "Jason Finch."

"Chasininink."

When I frowned, she said, "Fasin Janch? Finssin Feech?"

I tried coaching her a few more times, but she still didn't get it.

"Oh Nocomprendo, it is a difficult name to say. Can you not be happy with the one you have?"

I rolled my eyes. "Nocomprendo was never my name, Sola. You just misunderstood me when we first met. Look, will you just call me Jay from now on?"

She nodded. " _Jay._ That is much easier."

She let out a happy sigh.

I idly ran my fingers down her hip.

"Are you comfortable, Nocomprendo?" she asked. ".. _.Jay?_ "

The pile of fuzzy skins was soft as a bed, and it felt good on my naked flesh. What didn't feel so nice was the product of our lovemaking slowly drying and caking on my...skin.

"Mostly," I said.

"Oh?" She smoothed the sides of my body. "And how can I make you... _more comfortable?_ "

"I'd like to have a shower, if I could..."

She looked confused.

"A _bath_ ," I said. "I'd like to have a bath. Your...uh, _stuff_ is all over my privates." I pointed at the slime.

A mischievous grin appeared on her face. "Oh _Nocomprendo_...you do not need to bathe..."

She pushed me flat on my back, then knelt between my legs, her tongue sliding through the slimy pubic hair.

"What are you doing!" I cried. "That's disgusting!"

She ignored me, slurping purple slime off my lower abdomen, then my penis.

"Whoa!" I stammered. "Hey!"

The tent flaps burst open suddenly, and a large muscular four armed figure loomed over us.

When he saw what was happening, his skin flushed a bright orange.

Sola's eyes widened, her tongue whipping back into her mouth.

She turned around to face him.

"Father!"

A tense, awkward silence passed, where the male breathed through his nose like an agitated bull. He looked like he wanted to kill me.

Mr. Tarkus glared at me, then stared at his daughter with a look of disgust.

He turned his back to us, pushing through the tent flaps in a hurry.

"Your dad didn't look happy," I said.

"He's drunk," she said. "What matters is that _we're happy._ "

She resumed lapping at my crotch.

It felt good. A little too good.

A normal male human being can't ejaculate more than twice in an eight hour setting, more or less. For this reason, I received an intense kicked in the crotch sensation the moment my penis hardened under her roving tongue.

"Stop," I said.

When she kept licking, I protested louder. "Sola! Please! Stop!"

She didn't.

"C'mon! I don't want to hit a lady!" I grabbed her by the tusks, tugging her away from my crotch. "Please stop! _It hurts!_ "

Her tongue slurped back into her mouth. "I made it a special occasion. I thought you would be pleased."

I forced myself to think about something non sexual, to decrease the pain. "I...am. But it's possible to have too much of a good thing."

"I do not understand," she said. "I am merely licking you. Your xonfima is not entering my wovnah."

"I'm...uh... _out of fluid_. I... _need rest._ "

Giving me a worried look, she backed away from my xonfima. "Will you be all right?"

"Yeah!" I said with a smirk. "I just need time to refill."

She returned to her spot on the skins, next to me. "I will not touch them again." Then, with a hopeful tone, "At least not until _your fluids refill._ I do not wish for you to hit me."

"I would never hit you," I said. "But I would have been in a lot of pain. I'm glad you understand."

"Perhaps, when you...feel better, you can _clean me_ , in _similar fashion..."_

I grimaced. "I'm not sure my tongue will...reach everything."

She nodded. "Your tongue _is_ short, but _you never know until you try._ "

The thought made me cringe, but I guessed I could convince myself I was...eating pasta or something.

Sola gestured to the golden objects surrounding us. "Would you like to look at my treasures now?"

"You already showed me your treasures," I joked, passing out in her arms.

When I awoke, I sat up and pulled my underwear back on.

"You do not need to do that."

I rolled my eyes. "What, you want me to walk around your village with my balls hanging out?"

She looked at me like she might.

I pulled on a pant leg. "Sorry. I don't do that."

"I know!" she exclaimed. "We will go down to Zurhoxna and have you fitted with _leathers._ "

I stared at her uncomfortably. "You mean like that strap you wear?"

She nodded.

I cringed. "No thanks." And I pulled my pants all the way on, fastening and zipping up.

"It would please me greatly," she said as she strapped herself up. "And honor me in front of family and friends."

I pulled on the rags of my shirt. "Let's, uh, stop at the `pleasing you greatly.' I'm okay with wearing... _one of those_ in private..."

She grinned and rubbed my back. "You are afraid, Nocomprendo."

"Jay," I corrected, pulling on my socks and shoes.

" _Jay._ You should not be afraid. Your body is a beautiful thing that should not be disguised with these..." She pulled my shirt back. "These _things_ , as fun as they are."

"I'm not muscular," I said. "It's not a good look for me."

Sola pulled my arms out of their sleeves, stroking my biceps. "Your muscles are fine. You should not think so poorly of yourself."

I pulled my sleeves back on. "Can I have breakfast?"

She rubbed my back. "We will work on this fear."

As we strolled down the hallway, hand in hand, Sola's father stepped in our path, growling an ultimatum.

"I want you to leave now."

"But father!" Sola protested. "This is my home!"

"You have a _husband_ ," he said. "Go find yourself some other place to live." And he stomped away.

Sola squeezed my hand. "You need not worry. It is not uncommon when Thark marry."

Despite the ultimatum, we had breakfast with her parents.

An awkward situation, to be sure. None of us talked, we just silently stared at each other and ate.

The food was basically what we had for dinner, but I didn't complain. We could have been booted out already.

Rabies nibbled from my plate as the jeweled serving girls put out more.

When we neared the end of our meal, Ibira spoke at last.

"I and your father have agreed that you and Nocomprendo should start your own tribe together. When you have your own land, you can... _enjoy each other's company as loudly as you wish_ , and your _friends_ can accompany you, and find their own males. You may take your things, but you must find your own place."

"I didn't know I was being that loud," I muttered. "We can be quieter."

"It is too late," Sola said, nodding to her mother. "I understand."

But tears were rolling down her cheeks.

Since I wasn't there already, I went around the table and seated myself next to her, putting a comforting arm around her back. She nuzzled her head against my chest and wept.

"It's okay," I said. "We're just moving out. No big deal."

"Oh Nocomprendo!" she sighed. " _This has always been my home_!"

I rubbed her back. "We can find you another one. Maybe even _Jasoom._ "

Sola looked at me with a fearful, uncertain expression.

Sola's harness had special hooks on the back, to which she fastened a pair of leather rucksacks, one between her shoulders, the other over her butt. I thought this looked very cute. When she entered her tent, she set about stuffing these with her gold trinkets and other possessions. She handed two additional rucksacks to me, telling me to put more in those.

I stared at the sextant. It had the same features as any other one I'd seen, but it didn't look like something a human would make, and the symbols on it looked different.

"We will be using that a lot," she said, tucking a scroll into her bottom bag.

I stowed the device, then picked up the bracelet with the keyboard on it.

"I have often traveled across the desert in search of interesting artifacts," she said, stuffing something in a chest pouch. "Including males."

"But you cry about leaving home," I said.

"I grew up here. I am unhappy to be driven from this place."

I nodded in understanding. "So. You're like a Thark Indiana Jones."

That earned me a blank look. "What does that mean?"

"Never mind. It's silly."

"I want to hear more about this... _Idianoh_."

"It's just a story," I said, pressing a button on the bracelet. The bracelet did nothing. "A brave...uh... _treasure hunter...a human..._ um, travels to ancient tombs and stuff, and, um, fights people for important artifacts."

She stuffed more things into her bags. "Is this a true story?"

I laughed. "Kind of. It's a...legend. A lot of it is completely fictional. _Imaginary._ "

Sola looked thoughtful. "I see. What are some of the things that this Ideahanj did?"

I rolled my eyes, telling her the basic gist of _The Temple of Doom_.

"That's fascinating, Nocomprendo!" then, seeing my annoyed glance, she blurted, " _Jay..._ Where did these magical glowing stones come from?"

She referred, of course, to the stones of Khali from the movie.

I would have wasted breath telling her, but at that precise moment, the bracelet I'd been absently poking suddenly lit up, the little screen above the buttons turning blue and glowing.

What I saw on the monitor were nothing but strings of symbols in a foreign language. I poked buttons and found I was able to open some menus, but I couldn't make heads or tails of it.

"What did you do, Nocomprendo!" Sola cried, rushing over to me with her loaded bags.

She stared at the device in amazement. "Nocomprendo! You have activated its sorcery! Are you certain _you_ are not Indianaho?"

I chuckled. "I don't know. I think Indie would at least be able to read something like this."

"Then we should bring this to him!"

I groaned. "You can't. He's not real."

"You think it will help us find Jasoom?"

"I...do not know," I said. "Perhaps."

I showed her the screen. "Can _you_ read this?"

"No... _Jay_ ," she said. "That language is foreign to me."

She paused. "But I have a friend who may be able to."

Sola stuffed the bracelet into a bag. "Continue packing, Nocomprendo. We must visit Tawroka immediately... _once you are fitted with leathers, of course._ "

Zurhoxna the harness maker lived in an embarrassingly prominent tent in the center of the village, and the tent had a big entryway and gaps where anyone could see in. This made me very uncomfortable, but Sola just smiled and led me by the hand through the wide opening.

For a barbaric harness shop, the place looked somewhat impressive. The rolls of cured leather were abundant, as were leather working tools, and they sold more than harnesses. They had bags and saddles and all kinds of other things.

To my chagrin, the place was busy, Thark bartering for satchels and gloves and tusk sheaths, or examining the wares.

A team worked the shop, one sewing, two general craft workers, one measuring customers and doing alterations, and one errand boy, who kept dropping things and bumping shoppers due to us distracting him.

Everyone was staring at me, muttering, looking disgusted or amused, chuckling as they muttered to each other and pointed. I tried to ignore them. Sola pressed my hand to her chest, giving them even more to mutter about.

The craft worker was an older female, with wrinkly gray green skin and a broken tusk on the left side. I looked at her, thinking about Ibira and how Sola would look in her old age.

"I have a special request, Zurhoxna," my wife said to her, putting an arm around my back. "He needs custom leathers. His xonfima has a... _unique shape_ , and it cannot fit comfortably in the usual leather."

Zurhoxna crossed all four arms, frowning as she marched around me with an intense expression on her face.

Shaking her head, she gestured with her hand in a way that seemed to say `proceed' or `continue.'

The next moment, Sola is yanking on my pants and underwear, and pulling off my shirt.

Now everyone was _really_ staring.

Zurhoxna grabbed a thong strap, stretching it between my legs, curling it around my genitalia. She made some markings, took it to another worker, and they discussed modifications.

I pulled my pants up, but, to my horror, Sola pulled them back down, and over my shoes, handing them to the worker.

"You are beautiful, Nocomprendo. You do not need those. Plus, you will have to remove them again soon."

She pulled out a stool for me and told me to sit. I wasn't sure I wanted to know whose naked ass cracks had been ont hat same stool before me.

I must have sat on that stool for an hour, maybe two, impatiently watching the craft workers work. I killed time by answering every last question Sola had about _Temple of Doom_.

Of course I got used to my nudity at this point.

During this time, my bat flew off, perhaps in search of bugs.

I crossed my legs over my privates to conceal them, but Sola pulled my knees apart, smiling at me.

"You're enjoying this too much," I said.

Her grin widened.

After so much time in the buff, I eventually got to the point where I felt comfortable standing up in front of everybody, and even considered giving up on the harness and going outside as-is, but when I opened my mouth to say, "Fine," Zurhoxna came over to me with a strap she'd re-fashioned.

"This is close to the inner garment you gave me," she said.

I tried it on, and it fit like a thong, covering nothing but my private area.

"It's perfect," Sola said.

The harness was simpler. They took one of their existing models and shortened the straps.

Sola gave Zurhoxna a gold goblet and a jeweled bracelet in exchange (not the one with the computer, of course). I thought this barter was too much, but when Zurhoxna received the items, she smiled and said, "I will accept this trade, if you also let me keep the pale man's garments."

Sola nodded. "Done."

I reddened in embarrassment.

Okay, so a little weird to be walking out in public clad in nothing but a few leather straps, especially with funky backpack things fastened to it. Who hangs a rucksack over their ass?

...The _Thark_ , apparently. Sola and I weren't the only ones wearing their harnesses that way. It didn't make me feel any less awkward.

We went to see Tawroka next.

She lived in a small beige tent, cluttered with mysterious objects, reminding me of my wife's.

I admit it, she was _cute_. She actually wore _glasses_. So maybe they were secured on her tusks, because Thark ears weren't that big, but she still looked nice that way.

Her dark olive skin was patterned with white cheetah spots, fading to a golden color around her front. Her harness had crisscrossed diagonal bands across it, which was different from Sola's horizontal bands.

If Sola was self conscious about her butt and legs, this female should have been twice so. She was proportioned like a regular human in that regard, and although she didn't have breasts, per se, her chest had proportions that approximated them.

When we entered her tent, she was squatting on the floor with her back to us, playing with some sort of device, occasionally digging in a chest full of assorted mechanical parts to stick into it.

As I watched her bending over, my strap started swelling, but there wasn't much I could do to cover it up. I was really hoping Sola would understand.

When the stranger turned around and adjusted her glasses, she looked at me and laughed.

"So this is your new husband," she said.

Sola nodded. "He is most satisfactory."

Tawroka nodded, examining me with a thoughtful expression.

I in turn examined her.

No chest scar. Eventually I... _ached_ too much, and I had to look away.

"He is cute."

I blushed.

"Tawroka," Sola said. "We have something interesting to show you. I thought you might know because it features one of the ancient languages."

She pulled the bracelet out my bag, poking the buttons. When it didn't work, she handed it to me.

"Get it to show the lights again, Nocomprendo."

And so I played with it a few minutes.

"Nocomprendo," Tawroka said. "Does your name have any meaning?"

"It means `I don't understand.' It is fitting, don't you think?"

Tawroka smiled.

The monitor on the device lit up, and I offered it to her, although a bit nervously because, well...

Tawroka stared at the screen in amazement.

"Wow..." she muttered as she held the device up to her face. "Control...location...setting...instruction."

"Instruction!" Sola and I said in unison.

Tawroka shook her head. "That is all it says. Just the word."

"Let me see that," I said, taking it back.

"This controls _something_ ," I said. "A device. A _machine._ "

"Cute _and_ intelligent," Tawroka said.

Sola slipped a hand under my lower pack, grabbing my buttocks. "And he is all mine."

Tawroka smiled. "I would not dare to interfere with my friend's relationship." She paused. "Would you take offense at me taking the role of Vunsulbe?"

I stared at her in puzzlement.

"She asks to be the substitute wife in the event of my untimely death," Sola explained.

I paled, gawking at my wife. "That's a little rude, don't you think? It sounds like she's saying she'll step over your dead body to get to me." And then, to emphasize the point, I said, "I don't want you to die."

She smiled and nodded. "I appreciate your concern, but you misunderstand the nature of a Vunsulbe. The word itself means `patient one.' Often a Vunsulbe will die _before the wife._ Especially in this dangerous land."

"Sounds like a very lonely existence."

"Yes, but if I died, _you_ would not be alone. You do not want this, Nocomprendo?"

I reddened, wishing I had a way to cover the growing bulge in my strap.

My conscience won out. "...No," I said. "She...should find her own man, so she can be happy."

"Oh Nocomprendo!" Sola cried, nuzzling her tusks against my neck. "You make me joyful with your faithful dedication!"

"I would be patient," said Tawroka. "I would have things to study. I would not be unhappy."

"I...cant," I said. "Please. Find someone else."

"I would be content to merely _observe_ your lovemaking, perhaps _providing assistance_ , if necessary."

I shuddered to think of what kind of assistance she would provide.

"We are starting our own tribe," Sola said. "You may come with us, and _find your own mate._ We may possibly have use for your... _help._ "

And then, after a pause that seemed too long, ". _..With locating and identifying artifacts._ "

" _I see_ ," she said, looking hopeful.

Were they really talking about artifacts? Or was this subtle innuendo regarding Tawroka's suggestion?

I sincerely hoped my wife wasn't implying what I thought she was.

I poked around the bracelet, and found a map, a holographic one that floated in the air, showing us a diagram of the crater, and a red dot that presumably was us. Another dot floated at the far end of the grid.

"Does any of that look familiar to you?" I asked the girls.

Both shook their heads.

"It seems to be somewhere nearby," Sola said. "That is all I know."

"How close is Helium from here?" I asked.

My wife shook her head. "Many miles by Thoat. This thing I see would be closer."

"Well," I said. "I'm not sure what this is, but it could be a way to Jasoom. Anyone for a little treasure hunt?" I asked.

" _Always_ , Inijida Jos!" Sola giggled.

She whispered something to her friend, something ending with "finish" and "tongue," but I wasn't sure what it was all about. I followed her out of the tent, Tawroka trailing close behind.

We went shopping.

Hunting tools, tent building tools, weapons, shovels, some dried fruits and other staples.

The backpack was natural to me. The lower piece wasn't. It's a little weird carrying that much weight on your butt, feeling it shifting around with every step, and then you had to watch to make sure you weren't bumping into anything.

I kept knocking things over. Sola had to pay for a broken vase, and on another occasion, I bumped into somebody and I got yelled at.

Then, since that bag was a rather out of the way place to supervise anyway, I soon found the flap hanging open, with its weight suspiciously decreased.

Before I could catch the culprit, a small Thark male, he was already far from us, running into a crowd.

When I mentioned this to Sola, she just snapped me up and shrugged indifferently like this kind of thing happened all the time.

Sola owned her own Thoat. Although big and muscular like the others I'd seen, its body was sleek and beautiful, like a glistening steed from some historical docudrama.

As we were fitting the creature with a saddle, I said, "So. Sola. Do you have any idea where we will... _start this new tribe_?"

She giggled. "There is no hurry, Nocomprendo. We can settle anywhere. Your seed will take time to develop into an egg. Right now, I wish to find new artifacts."

"Sounds fun," I said.

"Nocomprendo, you showed us our location on that map, and the other thing far from us. I wish to see this other thing. I would like to consult your map again."

"Sure," I said, pointing to my lower bag. "It's in there, somewhere."

Sola searched the entire bag, pulling every single article out, but didn't see it anywhere.

She searched the top one as well. Nothing.

I frowned. "You didn't have it in _your_ bags, did you?"

"No," she said. "I put it in _yours_ , remember?"

I stared at my wife in horror. "You know how we saw that thief running away from us earlier?"

She gasped. "Oh no!"


	7. Chapter 7: Thief

"It's that little Thark!" I shouted. "I saw him running away!"

Cursing under my breath, I unhooked the bags from my harness, running back into Sola's village. It seemed my wife had the same idea, for I heard her calling behind me, "Do you know where he went?"

I frowned. "I...think."

I ran between the rows of tents, through a crowd of green bodies.

I only got a few yards before I found myself stumbling into a cluster of young Tharks. They all looked the same to me.

I sighed and froze in my tracks, defeated.

"Do you see him?" Sola asked.

"Would you be offended if I said I can't tell them apart?"

She wrapped an arm around me. "Only if one of them were our son."

Her second hand grabbed my butt. "It's okay. I think I know where that map was pointing."

"You do?" I said in surprise.

She nodded. "It resembles maps I have seen."

I shook my head in disappointment. "Let's go."

We were turning to leave when I heard a voice shout behind me, "Hey pale one! Looking for this?"

Surprised, I spun around just in time to see the little thief mockingly waving the stolen device at me.

Flushing red with anger, I raced after the boy, but a couple of his friends tripped me, and he escaped into an alleyway between tents.

By the time I got up and brushed myself off, he had distanced himself to a point where I thought I wouldn't be able to follow. I gave chase, but only to have the right to say I tried.

The boy turned a corner, and I gave up again.

It was a lucky thing, I suppose, that the boy had an ego, or loved a good joke, for then he popped out from behind one of the tents, waving the device teasingly.

I ran, and he retreated.

Or tried to.

He had made the mistake of standing all the way in the middle of the alley.

When a voice in my ear said "duck", I trusted it enough to obey at once.

I heard something whip over my head, and a second later, the boy was on the ground, feet tangled in a bola.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"Don't mention it," Sola purred. "You're not the only strong one."

We hurried to the boy, frowning at him.

"This belongs to Sola,' I said, snatching the device from one of his hands.

"Why did you steal it?" Sola demanded.

"I was going to trade for food," he whimpered. "And medicine for my mother. _She's really sick!_ "

The expression on his face seemed _somewhat_ genuine.

I glanced at Sola, nonverbally asking if she believed the story.

In response, she took the device out of my hands, giving it to the boy.

She untied his legs, and he stared at us with an expression that could have been one of gratitude, mocking us for falling for his deception, or both. He ran away.

"Okay," I said as I watched him disappear. "That was nice of you."

"So you do not mind that I let a thief escape, alive, with all his limbs intact, and give away a treasure that might have possible helped you return home?"

I sighed. "No. It was very-"

She pressed me between her tusks and kissed me. "You are such a good man, Nocomprendo! You should not be surprised that I desire you so!...I only fear that I am not the only female that feels this way."

"Is that why you decided to add Tawroka to our little family?"

"No," she said. "That's because you have difficulty finishing."

I cringed. "I...was hoping that wasn't what you were discussing with her earlier."

"You are uncomfortable with the idea."

My whole body felt hot with embarrassment. "Yes. Yes I am. What, did you intend to have me sleep with her after...?"

Blushing orange, she shook her head. "Not...quite."

"You...like females?"

She looked confused by the question.

"Did you and...Tawroka...have something going on before I met you?"

"We're _friends_ ," she said.

 _Incredibly close friends_ , I thought. "That doesn't answer my question."

Tawroka stepped in front of us. "Did you get the device?"

"Yes," Sola said.

"Sola..." I said.

"Ask her," she told me.

I couldn't. I was too embarrassed.


	8. Chapter 8: New Tribe

We returned to Sola's Thoat, climbing on its saddle. A steep, awkward climb for me, but easy for her and our _new friend_.

The awkwardness didn't end there, for, well, I rode sandwiched between two alien females I both found myself rather attracted to, and there weren't any bumps between our seats.

Okay, so maybe I would have enjoyed it a little, had we not been crossing a desert-like wasteland at roughly high noon. Our body contact, though pleasant, was rather too warm, so we put a little space between ourselves as we rode with little leathern pillows, apparently produced and manufactured for this purpose. Sola remarked that we might not need them later.

The Thoat was named Cirrsedna, a name, Sola told me, meant `Prize', as it was the winner of many contests of strength and war.

Now, during all this chasing and such, Rabies had been sleeping somewhere, not caring what was going on with the stolen artifact, but somehow it noticed us departing, immediately flying down to me, nuzzling against my neck as it perched on my shoulder. Tawroka giggled and stroked its head.

It soon commenced dozing on my naked shoulder, teeth jabbing my skin.

Sola took us to the little oasis we'd visited when I first arrived, and we camped there for awhile, eating lunch and swimming and watering our animal.

Tawroka had a piece of parchment, and we figure out a way to mark it with a relatively permanent sort of plant juice, putting down all the details we could remember about that computer map. Sola and Tawroka knew the most about the area, so I just watched and gave very small suggestions based on what I saw on the device.

Of course, I wanted to see this prince of Helium first, and told them so.

"Yes, but if he knows nothing, what then? It is best to have a second plan, just in case."

But I wondered if they had other ideas in mind. After all, the idea of treasure seemed to get them more excited than the visit to the strange city.

We filled up skins of water, bathed, then rested in the sun. When I mentioned sunburns, Sola covered my body with a smelly sort of mud that she found around the place, which actually felt kind of refreshing.

We fished, smoked the meat to a state that was keepable, loading the thoat with the stuff, along with a cyclopean earless hare we hunted there. Rabies got the scraps.

Sola shot the latter, then taught me how to improve my pitiful skills of bowmanship.

As the sun turned red, indicating the close of the day, Sola got up from our resting place and said, "We should go. It is best to travel the Great Wastes at night."

The air was cooler now. When Sola saw me shivering, she said, "Let's go. I have skins, drinks, fire and _other things_ to warm you, if you need. _"_

I nodded, ashamedly adjusting my shifting thong as I started to imagine those other things.

And so we climbed onboard her Thoat again.

This time the cushions stayed in our saddlebag.

As we rode, my swelling thong pressed up against Sola's rear, but she just scooted back, pushing it in further. At the same time, I could feel Tawroka rubbing against me from behind, hands idly resting on my upper thighs, the others playing with my hair or caressing my bare skin when they weren't at her sides or on the saddle. Her tusks brushed my neck, and she was snoring in my ear for awhile.

Rabies, being nocturnal by nature, was busy flitting about every which way.

The hours passed. "Are you _sure_ you know where we're going?" I asked as I stared out at the undiffering stretches of cracked soil.

"If I didn't, would it matter?"

I sighed. "Yes. I promised to take you with me, remember?"

"How do you know this is a promise you can keep, Nocomprendo?"

My hand slid around her leg. "Back home, I have _nobody_. My bed is _empty_. Do you think I want that?"

She held my hand. "The women of Helium would find you desirable."

"What makes you think I'd want _them?_ " I said.

"Because they would want _you._ "

I swallowed. "And they look just like me."

She nodded.

"I...don't think you have anything to worry about. I'll probably find those women...boring."

"He acts like he's never heard of the Goknagat," Tawroka purred close to my ear.

"Indeed, he has not," Sola said.

She patted my knee, hand slowly sliding upward. " _Chasinch..._ "

" _Jay,_ " I prompted.

" _Jay_. It is a long held tradition for a male and female Thark to set off in a random direction from the village, cross the desert to whatever place seems pleasant to them, and start a tribe there."

" _My home_ is very pleasant," I said. "I want you to see it with me. There are many lands, many places to settle."

"But Nocomprendo!" she said. "Now it is _I_ who worry of _your_ happiness! What if I find someone as kind and loving as you, and my heart becomes stolen away from you?"

I laughed. "I assure you, you will not be tempted. They will be blind to your beauty."

"Are they as kind and gentle as you, _Jassifich?_ "

"Some are."

She pulled the reigns, making the Thoat stop. "Only some?"

I swallowed. "Let me put it this way. The females are very strong and independent. Many hunt for themselves. There is even... _a female named Oprah_ , who has gained for herself a position of great power, in fact, while her name and face are known throughout the land, few, if any, know who her male is."

"They are like the Atugurra!" Tawroka cried.

"Yes," Sola said. "But Atugurra are Tharks and they are weak."

"Have they interbred with the redskins?"

"The thought has crossed my mind, but why would he be so _pale?_ "

Sola started Cirrsedna moving. "Your land sounds wonderful, Nocomprendo. I will be greatly pleased to see it."

We traveled for miles over the open plain, the Thoat pausing from time to time to eat the red grasses in our path.

We ate dinner on the creature's back, and fed Rabies scraps. It would be dawn soon.

"There," I heard Sola saying as she pointed ahead. "I mean, look! There's a place where we can stop and camp!"

"We still have some time," I said. "It's not even dawn yet."

" _I know._ Soon we will not be able to enjoy each other's body warmth."

"As nice as that sounds, I kinda want to get to this Helium place as quickly as possible."

"We're miles away from it." Then, like an afterthought, she added, "It will take us some time _still_ to get there. We should encamp before it gets hot."

"It is very close," Tawroka agreed.

" _All right,_ " I said.

The sky was clear, and the moon was out, so we could see our stop: a stubby little mountain, surrounded by even shorter mini mountains and boulders, isolated by itself in the vast waste.

"Well," I said. " _This_ looks interesting."

We gathered red scrub, set a fire, and put up a tent, a large, surprisingly spacious one, which we piled a layer of skins into for the flooring.

The moment these furs were down, Sola shoved me into them, peeling me out of my harness, not caring that Tawroka was watching us.

I was a little nervous, so I didn't get erect all at once. Sola cupped my testicles and stretched my shaft, grinning to our guest as she did so.

Rabies perched on her shoulder, I guess maybe because she wanted to see too.

"I've never seen one of those before," Tawroka said. "How does it work?"

Sola curled her tongue around my penis, causing it to stiffen into rigidity. The tongue snapped back into her mouth so quickly that I let out an involuntary gasp.

"It's challenging. His xonfima often fails to reach my umbufma, and then, when it does, we do not kirrbzux at the same time, and he must be started again. It is not unpleasurable, but he may leave me... _unfulfilled._ "

Rabies hissed in response, though I'm not sure what it meant.

Tawroka kept staring at me. "Would it help if I had some practice with it?"

"No," Sola growled. "His xonfima belongs to me, and me only."

"I understand," Tawroka said.

Sola unfastened her thong, seating herself on my lap. "Are you prepared, my wild Thoat?"

I swallowed. "Ready as I'll ever be."

Having previously familiarized myself with Sola's body, I soon located the tube thing within Sola's vagina, wiggling the tip of my penis under the lip, and pushing until her tentacles grabbed my shaft and shoved the erection further in.

The fangs drove themselves back into my testicles. I had to turn my penis slightly toward them to prevent a second set of punctures.

Taking slow, even breaths, I thrust into her as slowly as I could, encouraging her to proceed at a more natural pace.

She did, but with all the kissing and green hands caressing my body, I got a little too excited and started to rush again, right when she was only a quarter of the way to climax.

"You might want to go a little faster," I grunted. " _It's about that time._ "

"You mean," she said in a half moan. "When it fills me with warm fluid and shortens?"

I nodded.

"Can you...try to think about _battle_ , or _parchment_ or something?"

"I can try."

I thought about four color pagination, but it was no use. I was enjoying myself too much. My erection throbbed like an oil derrick nearing the edge of a seam. I could sense the climax approaching. "I'm coming."

"It is okay," she moaned. "Tawroka can finish what you began, and we can try again."

My penis shrank a little at the thought. "N-no. We can just... _do what we did last time._ "

She squeezed my buttocks tightly, continuing her motions.

And then, _I felt it_.

My penis. It didn't gush semen like I thought. Instead...it just got very warm, very stiff, and another level of throbbing developed, like I had just passed through a second puberty barrier.

My first, years ago, had been when it stopped climaxing in dry throbs, and it took me five extra minutes to reach my peak, wondering, all the while, if I would ever have an orgasm again.

Now, as Sola's motions quickened, I felt myself struck by that worry again.

When Sola and I had sex for the first time, the fangs that had driven themselves into my sac did more than just bite, they seemed to pump fluid, a weird inward rushing sensation like an IV pouring saline into my veins.

I could only guess that maybe that fluid had somehow changed me. I suddenly discovered I could continue pleasing my wife an additional three minutes, then four.

I sensed my wife's urgency. Her four hands gripped and squeezed my body roughly, moaning as she had her way with me. I thrust into her, quickening my pace, my body sensing how to keep connected with that tube thing inside my wife's wovnah before my brain realized that I was becoming unmoored.

Sola climaxed first, dousing my lap with green ejaculatory fluid, but I kept going for an entire minute, causing her to utter squealing noises I'd never heard her make before.

Then, and only then, did my penis go off. We rode the last throbbing waves of pleasure, then collapsed in each other's arms, enjoying the spreading warmth.

"Now it is I who feel... _unfulfilled,_ " Tawroka said.

Sola rolled over to face her. "I am sorry. I feared my husband would not be able to keep up, but now he has done satisfactorily. Our agreement is not binding. If you find a male, you may leave us."

She patted the skins next to her. "Here. You may sleep by our side."

Tawroka did so, with Rabies curling up in the spot between her neck and upper shoulder.

Sola purred as she slid her body up against me. "Feel less cold now?"

"Definitely."

She idly flicked my penis. "Good."

Her arm wrapped around my naked waist. "Nocomprendo, I must confess something to you. Please do not be angry when I say this."

At this point, I was so relaxed and spent that I felt nothing could faze me. I was also a little drowsy.

"What," I said lazily.

"This isn't the right way to Helium. I actually took you _north_. To the place on the map."

"Oh," I sighed.

"I did it on purpose."

I was too flooded with dopamine to get too awfully upset. I just stared at her.

"I'm sorry."

"Its...all right, I guess," I muttered. "As long as we get to Helium sometime."

I spent the morning passed out in the tent.

As I dozed, I sensed Sola leaving me, but I was too tired to think about it until I found myself being shaken vigorously about an hour or so later.

"Nocomprendo!" Sola was saying. "Nocomprendo! Come quickly! There's something I must show you!"

I groggily strapped myself up and followed her out of the tent.

In my absence, they had built a fire and cooked breakfast. I was handed some meat, but instead of allowing me to sit down and eat it, the two urged me to follow them and eat on the way, they themselves already having done so earlier.

I did so. We climbed onboard the thoat, riding around the range of short stubby mountains until we reached the mouth of a cave.

We dismounted, strolling through a narrow passage, and around a bend.

What I saw next defied explanation.

We were in a call center, an office filled with upholstered particle board cubicles, with desks and computers and swivel chairs.

I froze in one spot, staring at everything in astonishment.

"Is this your home?" Sola asked.

"N-no," I stammered. "I don't know what the hell this is."


	9. Chapter 9: Office Building

It felt cool in the cavern office, roughly seventy degrees or less. The harness tingled against my bare skin as I wandered down the aisles, examining the desks and furniture for clues about what a call center was doing on an alien planet.

Sola had tricked me into going there, but now, even as the effects of our nonstop lovemaking session slowly wore off, and my stamina recovered, I still couldn't get too angry. Seeing all these artifacts from earth made me hopeful that I had found a way back home.

We marched ahead with crude torches made from alien plants, examining everything.

"This looks very promising, Jasinch," Sola said. "Does it not?"

"Um, maybe," I agreed.

The moisture in the cave had made the gray carpeting into a damp slick surface tinged with pink, colors which, I discovered to my chagrin, derived their pigmentation from water loving fungus. The stuff, resembling pig ears, squished unpleasantly beneath my bare feet.

Rabies flitted from desk to desk, snatching up insects crawling on their surfaces, or the tattered carpeting.

"What does one do in a place like this?" Sola asked me.

I explained the concept in terms a primitive might comprehend, magical devices that allow people to throw their voices across the world and still be heard with such clarity that one could "hear a pin drop."

Sola laughed. I could tell she didn't believe me, so I did a little acting, demonstrating how a telephone and telephone headset worked, and how the computers and everything would operate if they actually had power.

I watched as my wife sat down int he padded swivel chairs, spinning around and around.

She slapped a moth eaten cushion, perhaps to ask me to sit down, then coughed at the dust. "Jasinch, we should wash these and use them for our personal furniture in our new home."

I rolled my eyes. "And how do you propose to wash them?"

She shrugged. "As with anything else, you drop them in water and let them dry in the sun."

I chuckled. "I'm not sure that would work. Parts of them would rust, and the parts you couldn't expose to the heat would mildew.

"We could take them apart."

"Would you know how to put them back together?"

" _That would be your job._ You obviously know more about them than me."

"Maybe if I find some tools."

She got up, rummaging through the desks.

Even after all that sex, I couldn't help but admire her body, the swell of her bare buttocks as she squatted down and pulled the desks open, examining crumbling policy documents, salt and ketchup packets and insect damaged Styrofoam food containers.

The name of the company had been American Financial Centers, some kind of bill collection service. The documents we found were account numbers, warnings about not speaking to a spouse in Hawaii, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Illinois, Georgia and some other states, a notice about overtime offerings, and the no cel phone policy. My explanations of the paperwork amused Sola to no end.

Tawroka sidled up to me, draping an upper arm around my shoulder as her lower curled around my waist. "You have a very strange husband, Sola. He tells fanciful stories."

"But they're all true," I said.

Sola continued searching the drawers. An erection slowly stretched my leather thong as I watched. At times, when she caught me ogling, she would wink and bend in an exaggerated way, to give me a fuller view, giggling as she did so.

In fact, she touched her toes in front of me, as if typing nonexistent shoes, wiggling her derriere to get a rise out of me.

The green hand at my waist slid downward, caressing my buttocks. "A shame she wants you all to herself," she breathed in my ear.

 _"I'm loyal,"_ I muttered back, brushing her hand away.

"Your * does not agree," she said, indicating my throbbing leather strap. "She _did_ join me to your clan as *. It is not unheard of."

"I'm sorry," I stammered. _"I'm still tired."_

Sola brushed herself off and stood up, marching further into the building.

Strangely enough, as we walked, we all of a sudden found ourself under working fluorescent illumination, the decay appearing to reverse itself, the chairs got considerably less dusty and ragged (though still appearing to be used).

Finding no more insects, I supposed, my pet rejoined me, perching on my shoulder.

The carpet abruptly lost its slickness, revealing a pattern of crisp dry alternating vertical and horizontal squares. I wiped the fungal grimyness from my feet on one of the squares.

I picked up a phone, but I only heard static on the other end. No dial tone. Still, Sola clapped in appreciation at the new magic trick, especially when I explained what it meant.

The computers, of course, I couldn't do anything with at all, for the all required company passwords.

Despite this new development, and shouting hello at the top of my voice, I found no sign of human life, or intelligent life of any kind. Only silence answered me.

We checked the area against our map, but the map only told us the location of the call center, not what lay in the call center itself.

Sola pushed a chair up to me. "See this? It is already clean. We must save this until we find a place to build our home..."

She looked around the room. "Or we could make _this_ our home!"

"Perhaps," I said. "If we can't leave this planet."

We wandered to the end of the building, searching the employee break room, the bathrooms, a call center for another business associated with American Financial.

The whole time, Sola clutched my hand, eyes wide with excitement, like we were strolling through an amusement park or some other fun thing on a date.

Sola laughed when I told her how all the stuff in the bathroom worked until I used a urinal. She used the one next to me by sitting on it and doing her business that way. After I got over the shock of seeing her secreting purple liquid, I instructed her about commodes.

She played with them, nearly scooped a handful of toilet water into her hands for a drink before I explained why you shouldn't do it.

Then she played with the sink and drank from there.

I showed her the refrigerator, which actually contained ice cubes and people's lunches, a pizza, a box of chicken from Popeyes and a cheesecake tray.

They had something called `Company Kitchen', which is like an automated self serve Quicktrip they put in office buildings, monitored by security cameras, with jacked up prices.

Sola took a sandwich out of a cold case and ate it through the packaging.

"You're not supposed to do that," I said. "You're supposed to put money in the machine."

When I explained how it worked, she remarked, "You have to give offerings to the gods in order to partake of the sacred food?"

"Not...exactly," I said. "But they do have magic machines that show law givers that you have stolen things."

"Will you pay for it?" she asked.

I shrugged. "My credit card is in my pants."

"Oh," she sighed. "The food is not very good anyway. I did not enjoy the material they put on the outside. It has no flavor."

"That's _plastic_ ," I said. "You're supposed to remove it before you eat the food inside."

"A strange custom."

I frowned. "C'mon. Let's try to find...whoever is running this place."

We continued with our tour.

Our passage to certain areas was thwarted by security turnstiles. One of them led into an actual cavern, but we needed a special card key to move the column of metal bars. It had a secondary security door alongside it, but I read a warning about an alarm, so I decided to pass on it until later.

Another turnstile, through the break room, led into an interior patio with a staircase.

We opened a set of double doors, entering a reception area containing a check in desk and a conference room with a long glass table and glass walls along one side. An alarm went off as we passed through, splitting our eardrums until I found the shutoff switch beside the receptionist's computer.

I could tell a little nearby hallway had once led into the reception area from the outside, but now the only thing there was rock.

Another set of double doors led us up to a back office and another revolving security gate. The alarm went off again.

"What is the purpose of that noise?" Sola asked.

"To scare away thieves," I said.

"There is nothing of value here to steal."

"Actually, there's identity information," I said. When she failed to understand, I rephrased it in more primitive terms. "It's to keep people from coming in and stealing souls."

She believed me. "Why are souls being kept here, Nocomprendo? What purpose would someone have in doing a thing like that?"

I frowned. The last thing I wanted her to do was smash everything up out of primitive superstition. "Uh...they're used in exchange for goods and services. The...machines can measure the... _honor_ in a soul, and let someone borrow... _gold_... _if they borrowed honorably before._ The souls are...given back immediately once the honor is measured, and it's...written down. _"_

Sola tapped her tusk thoughtfully. "Can it measure your soul, Nocomprendo?"

"No, because I never borrowed from these people."

She nodded. "I would not borrow from them either. I like to look someone in the eyes when I am borrowing."

Then she smiled. "You are an exception, Nocomprendo, but I can see great trustworthiness in each eye as they meet mine."

She pulled me close. "Of course, you do not need to borrow from me. _I am yours._ "

I blushed.

There was a couch in the little office, which she bounced upon and pulled me into for another makeout session, but I wiggled out of her arms.

"I'm still...fatigued," I said, already feeling the ache. "Let's keep looking around."

 _"You're the boos,"_ she said, mangling the expression I explained to her earlier.

I found a pair of elevators, but Sola seemed afraid of them when they opened, so we kept going.

A hallway in front of the office branched off to the patio, this one a regular door that you unlocked with a green button. We swung it open, stepping outside.

It appeared we had entered the employee smoking area. The picnic tables had ashtrays on them, and those narrow necked plastic ashcans with the sand filled bases stood near the doors. The center of the patio sloped into a drain for an easy hose job.

Landscaping had put in trees, shrubs and grass, but it looked like fall had happened. Everything was brown. Only the trees appeared to retain life.

We stood at the ground level of a weathered looking terraced office building, wrapped all around with ivy. The sky was an unearthly neon green, suggesting this place wasn't all that it seemed.

"This is a romantic place," Sola said, squeezing my hand.

"It's definitely picturesque," I agreed. "Except for the sky. The sky is weird."

I found glass doors on that level, but they wouldn't open, so we took another staircase up to the top level.

A stretch of pavement gave the suggestion that there used to be a parking lot there, but now it simply broke off into a crater filled desert, a place that looked like the surface of the moon. We took a sidewalk up to a covered porch looking into a lounge and a hallway lined with office suites, but the door was locked. The lounge still had its TV on, displaying some company message board thing with stock clip art.

We walked a complete circuit around the building, staring at the offices. They had a small chiropractic college and a religious school, neither one looking like they were in business. I could see a `for lease' sign in one of the windows.

A pair of doors led to the check-in desk we'd seen earlier, which didn't make sense, because I'd seen a cave wall blocking that very same door. We marched back downstairs the way we came.

"What do you make of all this, Nocomprendo?"

"I don't know," I said. "I've never seen anything like it. I mean, an office building out in the middle of nowhere? Maybe we should search the place for card keys and see if we can find more clues."

The door didn't open, deepening the mystery. A few yards down, we also found the security turnstile that previously led into darkness.

"This is strange magic, Jasinch," Sola said.

I nodded. "No kidding."

We tried to go back down the staircase, and through the door we'd previously exited, but it had locked itself behind us. Sola had to grab a rock from the desert and smash it open so we could get back in.

We hopped over the broken glass to avoid cutting our feet, then searched the office for card keys.

Pay dirt. This turned out to be an administration center, so simply breaking open a few desks and drawers yielded us temporary worker badges, sanitation badges and picture badges of people that worked there. Sola again wanted to try out the couch, but I still wasn't ready for that.

The security turnstile near the office led to a hallway with a training room to one side. Not much of anything interesting there. The hallway terminated in one of those glass security doors, overlooking, strangely enough, a cavern.

"It just doesn't make sense," I muttered.

Sola shrugged both sets of shoulders. "It's magic."

"I'm thinking there must be a clue in one of those caves."

"Let us eat first," Tawroka said. "I have not tried the foods in that Cumandy Kidden we visited."

"I don't have any money to pay for it with," I pointed out.

"I do not believe we will be arrested," said Sola. "Or burned in a fire. There is no one here."

She meant `fired' as in terminated from employment.

She had a point. "Come to think of it, I wouldn't mind if someone came down to arrest me. At least them I'd have another human being to communicate with."

I gave Sola an apologetic glance. "No offense."

"It is okay, Nocomprendo. I would like to meet the sorcerers that run this place myself. It must take great magic to create these lights, the cold box and the `toe-lets.'

"All right. Let's eat."

And so we took a bunch of sandwiches and chips and candy bars off the racks without paying for them, making a meal out of the stuff from Company Kitchen and the lunches I found in the fridge, feeding bits to my little winged friend.

I showed them how to use the microwave, which elicited sounds of delight and approval from my companions whenever they had paused between bites. Tawroka even microwaved a candy bar, which didn't work out so well, but delighted her just the same.

I, on the other hand, thought the food wasn't quite as good as some places I'd eaten at, and that a primitive was no judge on quality dining.

Once we'd finished and cleaned up, I decided we should examine that rock wall at the check-in area more closely.

I pushed through the doors, felt my way around its surface, but found no way through, or even how it got to be blocking our passage.

Yet, on the exterior, you couldn't see it at all! How was that possible?

I stepped into the conference room, leaning on the long glass table as I contemplated the matter.

"Problem, Jasinch?"

I told her about what I was thinking.

"Perhaps the answer lies in the other caves."

"I don't know," I said. "I'm thinking it will only make me more confused."

She shoved me backwards onto the table surface. My skin tingled as the cool glass pressed against my back. _"I know what will not make you confused._ "

She undid the fasteners on my thong, then unfastened her own. "You have had much time to... _recover_ , Nocomprendo, have you not?"

I swallowed. "I...uh..."

Sola ran a finger up my steadily growing erection, causing it to stiffen. "Ooh! It is getting very hard. It does not hurt when this happens?"

"No," I stammered. "Those.. _.sharp thingies_...inside you... _those used to hurt_...but..."

 _"That's good to hear._ " She used two hands to lift my buttocks onto the table while the other two slipped beneath the upper straps of my harness, caressing my chest.

She eased herself into my lap, crotch tentacles drawing my penis in.

In my excitement, I gave an aimless thrust, then shifted my hips, aiming beneath that lip of that oddly positioned tube in the back of her reproductive organ. I gasped as the fangs sank deeply into the existing holes in my testicles (the tentacles had moved them into position to avoid multiple punctures).

"We were made for each other," Sola said as she pushed my face between her tusks.

I laughed. "Considering all the extra work we need to do just to have an orgasm, I somehow doubt it."

She frowned at me in dismay. "You do not love me, Nocomprendo?"

My erection was throbbing. Her tentacles still danced up and down the length of its skin. "I didn't say that. I just meant, well, we're not made for each other, that's all. Not everything has to be a perfect fit. I still love you."

"You have wise thoughts, Nocomprendo," she said, then used her frog tongue in my mouth.

"I wish to discover what lay in the caves," Tawroka said as our sexual motions slowly gained momentum. "I will return if I make any interesting discoveries."

Sola retracted her tongue, withdrawing my head from her tusks to address her. "Be careful. The wizard may be lurking there. We do not know how to defend against his magic, do we, Nocomprendo?"

I glanced at our assistant, thrusted. "She's right. This...magic is stronger than the types I am familiar with."

"Then I will exercise caution."

Rabies flew to her shoulder, seeming to sense the danger himself. Tawroka smiled. "It seems I will not be going alone."

I opened my mouth to say something, but Sola filled it with her tongue, drawing my penis in deeper, into the tube with her tentacles. I abandoned conscious thought.

Our associate pushed through the glass door, leaving us to our pleasurable activities.

Sola's tusks rubbed against my head as we kissed, my penis gliding in and out of her as we warmed the glass tabletop with our friction, my bare skin leaving smeary traces on its surface. A client looking at the table after this would wonder why there were knee and butt prints all over it.

Sola came down upon me, her motions knocking a teleconferencing device on the floor with my head.

I thrust with wild abandon. Nearby chairs rolled into walls as my feet bumped against them. We moaned and gasped through our noses.

I crossed the threshold of human climax (the penultimate, you might say) approaching the slow buildup of my actual climax, climbing the foot of that secondary hill.

As our movements took on a feverish urgency, I suddenly heard tapping on the glass wall.

Thinking it to be Tawroka at first, I ignored it, but then it kept tapping.

I pulled my head out of Sola's tusks, craning my neck to get a better look.

"Nocomprendo, why have you stopped?" Sola asked.

Instead of Tawroka, I saw only a tiny winged shape beating against the glass, letting out frantic squeaks.

My eyes widened in alarm. What was Rabies doing down here alone? I thought. Is Tawroka in trouble?

"It is a very strange place to stop, Nocomprendo," Sola said, riding up and down to illustrate the point. "What is the matter?"

"It's Rabies," I grunted, my lust warring with my worriment. "He wants something. Ughhh!"

"Your friend probably wants more food," she muttered. "Come. I sense * approaching. Let us finish and see what it wants then."

I was horny, so the idea sounded good to me.

I rolled Sola on her back, thrusting deep. Rabies continued to squeal and pound against the glass, but I decided to ignore him.

"Nocomprendo," Sola moaned.

I didn't reply, thinking it part of her love song, but then she started looking scared, her voice sounding... _almost frightened_ when she cried my name again.

Fearing I had hurt her, I slowed down. "What is it, Sola?" I said in a tender voice.

"Nocomprendo, the glass. It's...foggy."

I laughed. "They have cleaners for that." And I pushed my penis in as far as it could go.

Sola moaned in pleasure, but then pinched by buttocks hard enough to make it hurt. "Ow! You're getting a little rough!"

"I am trying to get your attention!" she growled, pointing two hands at the glass wall behind me.

I craned my neck and saw what she was talking about.

Indeed, a fog had obscured the view through the glass walls, and it had nothing to do with the hot and heavy activity that was going on in the conference room.

It looked like a fog had rolled in to the reception area, a huge six foot wall of white steam filling the room like someone had turned on a fog machine and left it running at full blast for an hour.

What I saw next made my erection shrivel to nothing.

A group of four shadowy figures stepped out of the fog, approaching the glass, their bodies zombie-like in their state of rotting decomposition.

The only thing fresh on these creatures were the heads, half human insect-like things, with chitinous spider legs buried deep in the rotting necks.

"What the hell are those?" I asked.

Sola shuddered. "They are the Kaldanes!"


End file.
